


Schizophrenia

by LuanRina



Category: Vampire Knight (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Bottom Kiryuu Zero, Drama - sort of, I honestly don't know what the hell it is, KaZe as in Kaname x Zero, Kaname/Zero - Freeform, M/M, Mental Instability - sort of, Mentions of non-con, No Plot/Plotless, Oneshot, Top Kuran Kaname, but nothing explicit, kaname x zero
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-30
Updated: 2018-06-30
Packaged: 2019-05-31 09:47:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15116840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuanRina/pseuds/LuanRina
Summary: Letting go once was all it took. After that, the restraints were gone and there was no turning back. Nor was there a promise of salvation. For either of them.  Kaname/Zero





	Schizophrenia

**Author's Note:**

> **Schizophrenia**
> 
> A Vampire Knight Fan Fiction
> 
>  **Disclaimer:** Vampire Knight and its characters are, unfortunately, not mine *sighs sadly* I'm merely playing around with them in order to make our BL dreams come true.
> 
>  **Pairings:** Kaname/Zero, naturally ;D
> 
>  **Warnings:** AU, all humans, OOC-ness, no real plot, crappy writing and the author's failed attempts at being original. There is some disturbing content like non-con (nothing explicit though), so read at your own discretion. 
> 
> _**A/N:** I started writing this story about a year ago on a whim since I couldn't get the idea out of my head. The first part was ready in about a month or so, then I took a very long pause, adding bits and pieces here and there throughout the year. Then I decided to finally finish all the oneshots I started, and now it's this one's turn. I've been working on it these past couple of weeks, and so here it is._
> 
> _I meant to give it a darker feeling, but I honestly don't know if I actually managed to pull it off. It's not much, but I still hope you'll be able to enjoy it even a little bit. Sorry if it turns out to be a total bore and a disappointing waste of time though *bows deeply* Also sorry for the length. Somehow it ended up turning into one hell of a monstrosity -_-;_
> 
> _English is not my first language, so you will most likely find mistakes like bad grammar and typos. All those mistakes are mine, so I apologize for them too._
> 
> _Hope you will enjoy reading! :D_

 

 

For the last several months, Kuran Kaname had been having weird – absurd, crazy, more than just improbable yet seeming so incredibly real – dreams. They were something straight out of some stupid cliched fantasy movie.

_Vampires, hunters, humans, humans turned vampires, 'pureblood' vampires, 'noble' vampires, 'common class' vampires, rigid hierarchical system-_

_'How outdated,'_ Kaname couldn't help but scoff.

_-wars between races, hunter weapons created by none other than 'pureblood' vampires, endless circles of betrayal, scheming, deception, cunning manipulation, ulterior motives, abuse of power, exploitation of others to achieve one's own selfish interests and goals-_

Now, that was something Kaname could relate to, sure. He had done it too, countless times. And he was good at it. But the reasons behind everything in those dreams… God, could they be any more nauseatingly dramatic and cliched?

_-wars within races, 'noble' sacrifices-_

Kaname couldn't help feeling rather skeptical about that, the urge to roll his eyes more than once stronger than ever.

_-loyalty, duty, constant lies, secrets, temptations, obsessions, suppressed desires-_

Another thing Kaname could relate to very well, but still…

_-and blood. Always blood. So, so much blood…_

He honestly couldn't understand how on earth his mind could come up with all that nonsense. He would have blamed it on his younger sister's enormous collection of movies and books of that dubious genre – she had been totally crazy about it for some time now for reasons Kaname would never be able to comprehend – if it weren't for the fact that he wasn't familiar with them in the slightest, save for that one dreadful time when his sister had forced him to go to the movies with her to watch the first part of her favorite series that she had been dying to see come to life on the big screen since getting into the books. It was a wonder how Kaname had managed to sit through the whole movie without falling asleep, considering how terribly boring and entirely unoriginal the thing itself had been.

Still, apparently that one close to traumatic event from a few years ago had somehow managed to leave a strong enough – negative – impression that made Kaname's imagination run wild and come up with some kind of crazy scenario that had been assaulting his dreams on and off for quite some time now.

Kaname heaved a deep sigh.

As if he didn't have enough on his plate as it was…

"Tired, Kaname?" Ichijou Takuma, Kaname's best friend, asked with a gentle, sympathetic smile.

Kaname's burgundy eyes turned their attention from the rainy view outside the car window to Takuma's emerald ones.

He let out a small sigh after a few moments of thoughtful silence before replying with a brief nod, "A little. Somehow organizing this year's festival gives me even more headache than it did last year." He paused, then added as an afterthought, "And than it should, really."

Takuma let out a chuckle. "Sorry, even though we promised Yuuki-chan you would be home before dinner… I'll apologize to her in your stead."

"That's okay, you don't have to," Kaname replied smoothly as he turned to look outside anew, his elbow setting on the windowsill as he rested his chin on his palm. "It's not like she had to go home alone."

"Well, yeah, but she still looked rather disappointed you couldn't accompany her."

Kaname gave a light shrug. "Should have called ahead to save herself the trouble. It's nothing new for me to be busy after school."

Takuma's smile widened a bit, turning somewhat sympathetic, the sentiment mostly directed at his friend's sister rather than Kaname himself. "I guess she wanted to surprise you."

"She did. But she shouldn't have. It only brought more trouble."

Takuma breathed a long sigh and shook his head. Now he felt really sorry for Yuuki. She was such a sweet little thing…always so bright, happy and so delightfully innocent and honest in everything she did. A bit clumsy, dangerously oblivious and sometimes clueless, yes, but that only added to her childish charm in Takuma's honest opinion. And she simply adored her favorite older brother, to the point of worshipping him like a hero or something of the sort.

Personally, Takuma deemed that cute too, but he couldn't help feeling sorry for the girl, as her sentiments were hardly fully reciprocated. Kaname loved his sister, sure, but his love was a calm and much more reserved one – just like the brunet himself. It just wasn't like him to express affection openly.

Well, save for the times when…

"Finally…" Takuma heard Kaname all but exhale the word in relief, interrupting his inner musings. He focused his attention on his best friend anew, immediately noticing the slight change in the other's demeanor. It couldn't be more obvious how anxious Kaname was to get out of the car as they got closer to his house, having already passed the iron gates.

Takuma shook his head, a fond smile playing on his lips. He could never tire of watching those weird siblings and their weird ways.

"You sure you don't want to come over for a bit?" Kaname asked then as he turned his gaze to the blond, his hand already on the door handle and his posture all but screaming of his eagerness to leave the now unmoving vehicle. There was an unmistakable tint of urgency in his voice, but even so Takuma knew his friend was sincere in his offer.

Resisting the temptation to be a little nuisance just to annoy Kaname a bit like he often liked to do, Takuma shook his head and answered with a soft smile on his face, "No, it's okay, I should head home too. But thanks for the offer."

Kaname nodded. "If you say so." He pushed the door open and stepped out of the car, one of his housemaids barely making it in time to his side to hold an umbrella over him while hastily greeting him in her usual polite manner. 

Kaname returned the greeting automatically, barely paying the servants fussing over him any mind as he made his way to the house and through the entrance doors in long, quick strides and then proceeded towards the living room.

"Welcome back, Kaname-onii-sama!" his younger sister Yuuki was the first to greet him, overly energetic and happy to see him as usual. She ran up to him and gave him a tight hug that Kaname returned distractedly with one arm as he took a quick look around the spacious room. "Are you hungry?" Yuuki asked as she beamed up at him, her arms still locked around his midsection. "You missed dinner."

"Yeah, sorry about that," Kaname replied with a small apologetic smile. "But I ate with Takuma and the rest at school, so it's okay. There is no need for you to concern yourself," he reassured the girl with a gentle pat on her head, successfully making her slight frown of concern that had been there only moments ago disappear. "By the way…" Kaname started as his gaze unconsciously drifted around the room once more. "Where are Zero and Ichiru?"

"Oh, Ichiru went out almost immediately after returning, so he should be back soon," Yuuki informed her brother as she made her way back to the couch she had been occupying previously, tugging Kaname along by his arm. "And Zero is sleeping."

Kaname frowned, allowing his sister to pull him down onto the couch in his distraction. He checked the wall clock across from him to be sure before replying, his unvoiced question more than obvious, "It's only eight thirty."

Yuuki nodded. "Mm. But he was feeling a bit off today, so he retired early." She made herself comfortable by Kaname's side, still hugging his arm loosely.

Kaname's frown deepened in concern as he asked with a slight tilt of his head, "What do you mean 'a bit off'?"

Yuuki shrugged. "Don't know. That's how he described it. I didn't pry."

Kaname breathed a sigh, his frustration seeping into it. Yuuki remained blissfully oblivious to it though.

"I see," the older of the two replied. He untangled his arm from Yuuki's hold in spite of the girl's initial brief resistance and got up. Disappointment settled on Yuuki's face. Kaname noticed it, but he honestly couldn't care less.

He was a terrible brother.

"I'll go check on Zero and retire early as well then. Good night, Yuuki." Patting his little sister's head once more, Kaname left the room, ignoring the obvious silent protest in Yuuki's brown eyes and the disappointed pout on her face.

 _'A terrible brother indeed,'_ he mentally scolded himself in spite of not feeling the slightest bit of remorse. So the thought disappeared after only a few moments, and Kaname's mind was once again concentrated on his destination, which he reached soon enough after following the familiar path to Zero's room.

He entered and made his way towards a double bed on the opposite wall as quietly as he could, careful not to wake Zero. A soft sigh of relief left Kaname as he felt the other teen's forehead and looked him over in the moonlit dark room. No fever, which was good. And Zero didn't seem to be in any kind of pain or discomfort, which was reassuring enough.

A small smile came to Kaname's lips, his hand shifted to cover Zero's cheek of its own accord, his thumb caressing the pale skin gently like it had done so many times before it could be considered a habit by now. 

Zero stirred. Kaname's smile turned slightly apologetic as he watched the other wake up, his garnet eyes soon locking with a pair of still sleepy, unfocused lavender ones, his hand never retreating.

Kaname chuckled as he watched Zero blink the drowsiness away. "Hey," he said softly, giving Zero's cheek one final gentle stroke with his thumb before his hand shifted to caress the teen's silver hair instead. Another habit of his, apparently. Very briefly, absently, Kaname wondered when he had managed to develop it.

"Kaname…" Zero's voice and the way he spoke betrayed the fact that the teen still wasn't fully awake and aware. "What is it?" he asked with a weak smile.

Kaname's expression softened as he replied with a brief shake of his head, "Nothing, just came to check on you. Yuuki said you didn't feel well."

There was another slow blink, this time accompanied by a momentary frown. Then lavender eyes cleared further. "Oh, right…" Zero seemed to have remembered.

"How are you feeling now?" Kaname's hand returned to Zero's forehead to check again. Just in case. "You don't seem to have a fever, but…"

"Nah, I think I'm okay. Guess I was just a bit tired." Zero gave Kaname an apologetic smile. "Sorry, didn't mean to worry you."

"You sure?"

"Mm," Zero nodded.

Kaname released another sigh of relief, his smile returned, now wider. "Alright then." His hand settled on Zero's head anew, his fingers stroking soft silver hair tenderly. There was a long moment of relaxed silence. Then Kaname slowly leaned in to give Zero a kiss on the forehead. "I'll be going now," he whispered, his hot breath tickling Zero's skin. "You go back to sleep."

"Mm," Zero gave a small nod, quickly getting lulled back into slumber by Kaname's gentle touches and a couple more kisses to his cheek – excessive skinship he was long used to. He had already fallen back asleep by the time Kaname left his room.

Quietly pulling the door shut, Kaname was about to head for his own quarters when a familiar voice stopped him.

"Kaname-nii?"

Kaname turned to the source of the voice. There stood Zero's twin that also happened to be his second younger brother. "Ichiru," he acknowledged.

Oh, had he neglected to mention one minor detail? Zero was his brother. His paternal half-brother, to be exact. And in spite of their completely opposite looks, they were indeed related by blood. Kaname knew for sure, he had secretly had the DNA test run once. Or twice. Just to be sure.

Unfortunately for his conscience, the results had been the same both times. But oh, well, he had learned to live with it by now. And to ignore his conscience by smothering its nagging voice at his convenience.

"Is Zero-nii okay?" Ichiru asked, worry clear in his voice and expression. "Yuuki said he wasn't feeling well."

"He seems to be better now. But he fell asleep again, so try not to wake him if you're going to go in there."

Ichiru nodded. "Okay, got it."

"I will be in my room if you need anything. Good night, Ichiru." With that said, Kaname turned around and headed for his mentioned destination.

"Yeah," Ichiru replied absently, already at the door to his twin's room, "night."

**-o-**

"Are you sure you're well enough to be up again so soon?" Kaname asked as he regarded Zero, genuine concern evident on his face. "You should rest some more. Just go back to your room, I'll bring you your breakfa—"

"Kaname, I'm fine," Zero interrupted his older sibling with a long, exasperated sigh, the effect of which was completely lost thanks to the fond smile playing on his lips and the tone of his voice that was decidedly lacking in frustration he supposedly felt. "It wasn't even a cold. It's ridiculous how much of a worrywart you can be, you know," he added distractedly as he diverted his attention to his plate and started eating.

A fond smile of his own graced Kaname's lips. "I'm your older brother. It's my job, no matter how annoying you might find it."

"I feel sorry for the poor guy Yuuki will decide to date one day."

Kaname blinked, his expression changing to a mock offended one. "I'm not that bad."

It was Ichiru who replied next, "You are. But that's okay, you still have plenty of time to get better. It's not like Yuuki will manage to get herself a boyfriend anytime soon. If ever."

"Hey!" came next from a genuinely offended Yuuki. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what I said," Ichiru replied calmly with a shrug.

"Just so you know, I can get a boyfriend. I do have admirers."

"But they're not the ones you want, huh?" Ichiru guessed in his unchanging disinterested manner as he continued eating. "You shouldn't be so picky, you know. Better grab the chance while you can."

Zero sighed. "Ichiru…"

Ichiru gave another shrug before meeting his twin's reproachful gaze. "I'm only being honest with her for her own sake, nii-san. It's my job as one of her big brothers."

"You're not my brother. Only Kaname-onii-sama and Zero are."

Ichiru arched an eyebrow and shot back with a mocking smile, "Am I the only one who sees some serious flaws in your version of logic?"

Yuuki huffed petulantly before crossing her arms over her chest and turning her head away. "I don't need a big fat meanie like you as my brother."

"Well, tough luck there. Can't change our genes no matter how much we may want to."

Kaname couldn't help freezing for a split second at that. But he recovered before anyone could notice anything.

"And in case you haven't noticed, which I seriously doubt," Ichiru continued in the meantime, now with a smug smirk, "I'm pretty damn perfect and 'fat' is the last term you can apply to me. You, on the other hand, should seriously consider laying off all those sweets you love so much. I'm sure your chances at getting your Prince Charming, whoever the poor guy might be, are already slim enough as it is, so don't make things even harder on yourself."

Kaname suppressed a derisive snort. He seriously doubted things could get any harder. Or any more complicated, for that matter. It was just the way his side of the family was — sick and corrupt to the very core, and his little sister, no matter how innocent now, wasn't an exception.

"Wha-?! I'm not fat either!" Yuuki protested vehemently with an offended expression on her face. But her insecurities still gave way to doubt, so she turned to the two other occupants of the room for support. "Right, Kaname-onii-sama? Zero?"

Kaname breathed a long sigh and shook his head. "Of course you're not, Yuuki. You know as well as I do that Ichiru is merely teasing you." That was probably what the younger twin did the best. He undoubtedly had a natural talent for getting under someone's skin. It was a questionable skill, but personally, Kaname found it rather fascinating.

"Ichiru, stop it," Zero addressed his twin instead of answering Yuuki's question. "You're being a bully now."

Ichiru snorted. "You two are no fun at all. And you," he turned his gaze to Yuuki before continuing, "are too much of a simpleton. Honestly, when will you learn not to rise to the bait so easily?"

Yuuki only huffed in response before returning her attention to the food and stuffing her cheeks with it.

Ichiru let out another snort, clearly satisfied with himself. Zero shook his head and Kaname stifled a chuckle. All three returned to their meal as well, and a companionable silence settled over the dining room. It lasted for some while, until Kaname decided to break it.

"Are you well enough to go outside today, Zero?"

Zero looked up at Kaname before replying, "Of course I am. Why?"

Kaname smiled softly. "I thought we could go somewhere after breakfast, if you don't have other plans. How about-"

"Eh? But nii-sama, you have other plans," Yuuki interrupted Kaname. "With me. Have you forgotten?" she finished with a pout.

Kaname blinked down at his sister, taken aback. He honestly had no idea what she was talking about.

Apparently, that was more than evident on his face, because Yuuki elaborated, "We're supposed to visit mother today, silly!"

 _'Oh…right…'_ Kaname remembered now. _'Dammit.'_ Now he had to pass up the opportunity to spend some much-needed quality time with Zero and waste his Saturday on that stupid visit he could never refuse. All because his mother would get hysterical otherwise.

Kaname held back an exasperated sigh and did his best to hide other possible indications of his annoyance.

"Right, going to mother's…" he responded with a small nod. "What time do we leave?" 

"As soon as we're done with breakfast. I already asked for the car to be prepared."

Kaname's mood just got fouler. And Yuuki's overly happy smile and excited voice did nothing to improve it.

"I see," Kaname said with a sigh before returning his gaze to Zero, a rueful smile coming to his lips. "Perhaps tomorrow, then."

Zero smiled back before giving a nod, "Mm."

"And in the meantime it looks like we're on our own today," Ichiru spoke then as he shifted closer to his twin, hugged the other's arm and rested his chin on his shoulder, leaning most of his weight against Zero's side. Kaname was involuntarily reminded of a koala every time he witnessed such displays of closeness between the twins. "What would you like to do, nii-san?"

Kaname wasn't jealous.

"Don't you have a date or something?" Zero asked his counterpart.

No, not in the slightest.

"Nope, not today. So we can spend the whole day together," Ichiru's lips stretched into a grin, his eyes narrowed a bit and he wiggled his brows playfully, continuing, "So what are we gonna do?"

…Okay, maybe only a bit.

"Ichiru," Kaname called in a warning tone, his gaze turning stern, "you know better than to do something stupid and drag your brother into it, right?"

"Of course, Kaname-nii," Ichiru's reply came too fast and his expression looked way too innocent for Kaname to actually get fooled by it.

"Ichiru."

"Yes?" Ichiru rested his cheek on Zero's shoulder and tightened his hold on his twin's arm, his smile widening.

"Ichiru. I mean it. Behave yourself."

A few moments of silence passed before a sigh sounded. Kaname could tell it was one of resignation.

"Okay, okay, I got it," Ichiru confirmed Kaname's observation. "Geez, you're no fun at all," he added with a pout, the childish display eliciting a chuckle from Zero and a snicker from Yuuki.

Kaname breathed a heavy sigh. His day had barely even started and he already felt somewhat tired.

Honestly, his siblings could be such a handful sometimes. And he still had to deal with his mother.

The day couldn't get any more stressful.

**-o-**

It wasn't that often that Kaname got to see his mother. They lived separately and only met every other month. Sometimes she would call, but he had neither time nor desire to indulge in meaningless conversations, which was what pretty much every call from his mother turned out to be, so Kaname usually tried to keep those short and to the point, if there was a point to them at all.

It may seem cruel of him, but he honestly didn't care. Their mother had Yuuki for idle chit-chat. Kaname, for one, wanted no part of it. It was only too bad for him that his silent reluctance to participate in any kind of interaction — verbal or not — with her — and more often than not, with them both for different reasons — wasn't obvious enough to anyone other than himself.

Well, he was extremely good at concealing his emotions and even better at pretending. He needed to keep up appearances, after all.

"Kaname, my dear, come here, you have been quiet all day," his mother, Kuran Juri, said, gesturing for him to join her on a plush sofa she was occupying. Kaname suppressed an annoyed sigh. Honestly, where was Yuuki when he actually needed her? Why did she have to excuse herself? Now Kaname had no choice but to be the sole focus of his mother's attention. "Come and sit with your mother. I want to talk with you."

'With'…? Kaname believed 'at' was what his mother had meant to say, for their conversations, scarce as they were, could never really be considered two-sided.

"My sweet little boy…" Juri started when Kaname sat down beside her, taking his hand in her and caressing it briefly with her thumb. "How have you been?"

A normal question. There was nothing wrong with it. But it wasn't that question that Kaname had a problem with. It was what would follow next. What he knew would follow next, if their previous encounters were anything to go by.

Sure enough, the pattern didn't change this time around as well.

"It must be so hard living under the same roof with those vile, vile things," Juri continued before Kaname could even open his mouth to speak, the tone of her voice turning from doting to contemptuous by the end of the sentence.

Kaname sighed. This one-sided conversation had gotten way too old way too long ago. He could easily replay it in his head without missing a single word by now. And that wasn't because he actually wanted to remember it so well.

Blissfully oblivious to her son's reluctance to listen to her, Juri continued, "I cannot even begin to imagine what you have to go through every day. It must be torture having them around, those abominations."

Discreetly, Kaname took a slow breath, waited for a few seconds, then let it out in an attempt to remain calm. He probably should have mastered full control over his reactions to this by now, considering how many opportunities he had had to practice until now, but inner responses were always the most troublesome to deal with. It was a good thing that at least his outer ones never reflected what he truly felt and thought.

"Honestly! I will never understand your father," Juri went on in an annoyed manner, shaking her head in obvious disapproval.

Kaname held back a derisive snort.

Of course she would never understand his father and her husband. She was too blind, stubborn, foolish and plain delusional for that. Maybe that was why his father had done what he had done and why he treated his mother the way he did.

"What on earth is he thinking making you and Yuuki stay in that accursed place?!"

This time Kaname had to suppress a strong urge to roll his eyes and heave an aggravated sigh.

Nobody made him do anything. He lived where he wanted to live, staying with the people he loved and wanted to be with. And the same went for Yuuki — not that Kaname really cared whether she stayed with them or not, callous as that may sound.

As for his father… Well, the man certainly had his fair share of flaws and sins, but at least he was smart and sensible enough to take care of his younger sons and provide them with a safe place to live away from his unstable, spiteful wife who he knew would have made their life a living hell had they all ended up in the same house.

For that alone Kaname was grateful, even if it didn't necessarily improve his general opinion of his father too much. Still, he wasn't above admitting that the man was useful, unlike his sister and mother.

"Kaname, dear," Juri cupped her son's face in her small hands, pulling the teen out of his musings that he liked to use as a distraction at such times. "You know you don't have to stay there, don't you? You and Yuuki can leave that awful place and come live with me anytime you want. It would be such a delight to have my two sweet babies here by my side. We would have so much fun together!"

Oh, yeah, Kaname could imagine what _that_ would be like. In all honesty, even the thought of it was dreadful.

Kaname suppressed another heavy, tired sigh — he had long lost count of those by now. God, these meetings with his mother never got any less exhausting. 

"Thank you, mother, but-"

"I just hate, _hate_ it that my precious children get contaminated by that vile _whore's_ disgusting spawns every day."

Another suppressed sigh. Kaname could feel his previously mild headache worsening.

It was a wonder how his mother still hadn't gotten tired of repeating the same words over and over and over again. But even more unfathomable to him was the way she somehow managed to continue laying all the blame on Zero and Ichiru's deceased mother, Hiou Shizuka, whilst completely excluding Kaname's father, Kuran Haruka, out of the equation.

Honestly, how did Juri think it all had worked between the two? Had she perhaps also managed to convince herself — Kaname knew her delusional mind had enough ability and even more desire to do so — that Shizuka had raped Haruka? Blackmailed him into sleeping with her — repeatedly too, as their affair had lasted for years, and it probably still would have been ongoing, if not even more than that, had the woman stayed alive — and fathering her children? Manipulated him? Drugged him? Or what?

Kaname held back from shaking his head and snorting derisively to himself.

Seriously, how delusional could his mother get? How desperate…?

It was pathetic.

"I know you will protect Yuuki, but there is no one to protect _you_ … Your father is too soft because he pities them, and you…you are just too kind-hearted for your own good." Juri's brows creased in a worried frown, the intensity of her gaze deepening as she looked harder into her son's eyes. "Of course you would feel sorry for those wretches, it's only natural for your gentle nature. I understand, trust me, I do. But you cannot let your guard down near them. They are cunning, wicked creatures. It's not only her looks that their whore of a mother passed on to them, it's her vile, shameless ways too. I have no doubt they have already started whoring themselves to every person they meet even at such a young age. But of course, it's unfair to blame them — it's all because of _her_ that they had to turn out like that," Juri cringed, her distaste couldn't be more evident as she uttered the last part. "That's why you shouldn't allow them to get close to you, Kaname. No, not you, not my pure, innocent little boy…"

 _'Oh…'_ Kaname thought absently as he regarded his mother impassively. _'If only you knew…'_

If only she knew just how pure and innocent he truly was… Poor woman would probably have a heart attack or something close to it. Even one of his less innocent thoughts regarding Zero would probably do the trick splendidly. Whenever he was in his more petulant, mischievous moods, Kaname couldn't help but want to test that theory, but now was not such an occasion. He would really rather not extend the amount of time he had to spend with his mother.

"Just say the word, and mommy will take you and your sister away from that horrible place," Juri continued fervently, pulling Kaname gently towards her to enclose his much bigger form in a hug. "You don't have to force yourself to live with them, and neither does Yuuki. You have a mother who loves you with all her heart," she said in a sweet — sickly, almost disturbingly sweet, really — voice that made Kaname want to cringe. He could hear a dreamy smile residing on her face as she spoke, "I would be only too happy to take care of you both, you know that, right?"

Oh, Kaname sure did. Just as he knew the woman wasn't adequate enough to take care even of herself, let alone anyone else. Although Kaname had no doubt his sister would do just fine living in their mother's real-life dreamland. They were perfect for each other in that regard.

It was only a pity Yuuki was too damn adamant about being a nuisance and staying by his side.

Kaname had to smother yet another long, tired sigh of annoyance as he gently untangled himself from his mother's hold and forced a sweet smile onto his lips for her. "Of course I do, mother, and I am grateful for your kind offer and endless care, I really am," he said slowly in a soft, beguiling tone. "But it's alright, you don't have to worry. I am more than content with my current living arrangements."

Juri was about to protest, Kaname could tell by her expression. So he hurried to add, "But I will keep your proposal in mind. I always do."

That seemed to have satisfied Juri's sense of self-importance for now. She looked convinced and content enough as she asked, "Really?"

Kaname forced out a chuckle before nodding with an even sweeter fake smile. God, his facial muscles were starting to hurt already. "Promise."

Juri nodded back, her lips stretching further into a beaming smile. "Okay then." 

Finally. It was over, just a bit longer and he would be able to go back home.

**-o-**

Kaname had been nine when Zero and Ichiru had entered his life.

He remembered that day even now, and surprisingly clearly too. He had always had a rather good memory, after all.

The encounter had come as a shock to him, to say the least. But of course, who would feel differently suddenly finding out that they had two half-brothers only two years younger than them? Two complete strangers that were actually related to him, and not through some distant relative, but through his own _father_ at that. Kaname doubted there was and ever would be a person who wouldn't feel weird about that. 

Sure enough, Kaname had been no different, and the overall event had been hard to process, especially since the twins hadn't just appeared in his life as a temporary addition. They had come to stay. His father had brought the two into his house to live with him, since — as Kaname had found out after a while — their parents had 'passed away'.

It had been many years later that Kaname had learned the truth about their deaths.

The mother had been murdered by her husband — the twins' non-biological father — who in turn had been taken into custody before being put away into a mental institution — all thanks to his family's wealth and connections — where he had ended up dying too. Well, not exactly dying, as Kaname had discovered even later — much, much later. The circumstances of the man's death had been suspicious at best, and Kaname knew his father had his own connections and just as much money to arrange for something to happen the way he wanted it to happen. It wasn't difficult to connect the dots.

Of course, nothing had been proven. And it never would be, it was stupid to think otherwise. Not that Kaname even cared. The man was dead, and it was for the best. The bastard had deserved it for trying to kill his Zero as well before getting taken away.

Naturally, Kaname hadn't even known of his little brother's existence at the time, but it still didn't make it okay. It was only thanks to Zero and Ichiru's uncle, Cross Kaien, who had happened to be there with them on that fateful night that the two had stayed alive, and Kaname would never cease being grateful to the man for that alone.

All those events had led to Zero and Ichiru staying with Cross for a few months before Haruka had brought them to his place — and into Kaname's life some time later.

Kaname had been hesitant to communicate with the twins at first. Understandably, the sentiment had been mutual, but after some time they had opened up to each other. Months later, Haruka had taken Kaname and Yuuki away from Juri — who had very well lost her remaining stability by then — and brought them to his house where they had been living together with Zero and Ichiru ever since.

Personally, Kaname was happy with the overall outcome. Sure, Yuuki could be quite an annoying nuisance when she wanted to be — and when she didn't, too — and he was still required to fulfill his damn duty of visiting his mother and listening to her delusional ramblings every so often, but that was bearable enough. Especially now when he had finally been freed of his mother and sister's company and was right where he wanted to be.

A gentle smile that hadn't gone off Kaname's face for a single moment since his arrival home widened, a soft chuckle fell from his lips before he spoke, "You do realize you still make most of our staff nearly faint whenever you come here to cook." Of course, it was amusing, to say the least, and Kaname didn't feel the slightest bit guilty to admit that he enjoyed their servants' turmoil every time.

Zero started a bit at the sudden interruption, then turned around to look at Kaname. Blinking, he asked, "How long have you been standing there?"

"About five minutes, I guess. Give or take."

Zero frowned. Kaname had to stifle a chuckle at that, he just loved that expression on Zero's face — well, he loved all of them, actually. "Don't do that. It's creepy."

Still, he couldn't help further widening of his smile. "I wouldn't call it that."

"How _would_ you call it, then?"

"Hmm…" Kaname tilted his head slightly to the side, pretending to ponder his next words, but the small mischievous smirk that was now merrily playing on his lips said it all. " _Entertaining_."

Zero sighed before turning away and muttering, "Only for you."

Kaname shrugged. "That's usually the way it is."

The admission made Zero chuckle. "You're such a pompous ass, you know that?"

Another shrug. "Naturally. But everyone still loves me just the way I am." Not that he asked for it or even needed it. He only truly cared about _one_ person's affection for him.

"Thank your looks for that. Without them people would have hated your guts."

"Without them I _wouldn't_ be the 'pompous ass' that I am. Funny how that works, don't you think?"

Zero chuckled. "I think it doesn't work that way with everyone. _Thankfully_."

"You can say whatever you want, but you _still_ love me. I know you do."

Zero rolled his eyes in an open display of annoyance, yet he failed to keep an affectionate smile off his lips in the end as he replied, "Yes, unfortunately, I do." Kaname couldn't help feeling ecstatic at those words, even if he knew all too well they didn't have the deep meaning he wanted them to have. "But that's because I have no choice."

Another chuckle, this time from Kaname. "Sure you do." He knew that from his own experience. "Just admit it and let's leave it at that."

"…You won't let it rest until you get what you want, will you?"

Kaname smirked. "You know me too well."

Zero heaved a long sigh. Kaname was certain it was supposed to show his exasperation, but the effect was totally lost because of the smile that returned to Zero's lips all too soon before he shook his head and let out another chuckle. "Okay, you win. I admit it. Now," he arched an eyebrow at Kaname, "are you going to keep distracting me or what? Because if you are, you won't get your share of apple pie tonight."

"…With salted caramel?"

"Naturally."

That was his favorite. Kaname didn't actually have much of a sweet tooth, but that exact pie, although very simple, was an exception — especially so if Zero was the one making it. 

"Surely you wouldn't be so cruel?"

Zero smirked almost evilly as he turned to Kaname. "Try me."

Kaname pouted playfully. "But I want my pie."

"Then behave yourself and either sit down at the counter and wait, or roll up your sleeves and help me out here."

"I think I prefer the second option," Kaname replied with a chuckle, already undoing his cuffs. "What do you want me to do?"

"Wash your hands and put on an apron first. Then you can start on the filling," Zero instructed swiftly as he resumed working on the dough.

Kaname complied, joining Zero at the counter when he was finished. "What's next?"

"Rinse the apples, then peel them."

Kaname nodded, already getting on with the task.

"Oh," Zero looked up from the dough and turned his gaze to Kaname, "and do be careful with the knife. I still remember the disaster Yuuki caused the last time she volunteered to help me." Needless to say, there had been mostly the disaster part and hardly any helping. On that day, Zero had firmly decided never to let Yuuki into the kitchen ever again.

Kaname halted his movements, his eyebrows rose before furrowing after a few moments of stupor. "Surely you didn't just compare _me_ to _Yuuki_ , did you?"

Zero blinked. "Did that offend you?"

Kaname wouldn't yield so easily, not even that compellingly innocent look on Zero's face would make him do it. "It did, actually. No one should be accused of possessing Yuuki's clumsiness."

"Well, it's not like a young master like yourself has much cooking experience."

"Doesn't mean I can't handle a knife," Kaname defended himself. "And in case you have forgotten, you are a 'young master' too."

"Not as much as you are."

Kaname huffed. "Watch me prove you wrong then."

Zero chuckled at the uncharacteristically childish behavior of his older sibling. "Bring it on."

That evening Kaname did prove Zero wrong, albeit not without a few cuts to his fingers. He had nothing to complain about though, as Zero attended to his wounds with utmost care, and that made it totally worth the pain in Kaname's eyes. 

**-o-**

"Are these all?" Kaname asked as he accepted a pack of envelopes handed to him by Aidou Hanabusa, who in turn nodded firmly with a _'Yes, Kaname-sama'_ in response to the brunet's inquiry.

Takuma released a long sigh and shook his head at one of the weirdest — probably creepiest too, if he were to be honest with himself — exchanges in his life that he had to bear witness to. He chose to stay out of it though, knowing all too well that it was pointless to try to reason with his friend — with either of them, really.

A thoughtful hum escaped Kaname as he regarded the stack before quickly sifting through it.

There were quite a few today as well — most of them from girls, two from boys and one without a sender's name. Kaname was inclined to think it was from a boy as well. Not that it even mattered. These letters — _love_ letters — would never reach Zero anyway.

"Anything else?" Kaname asked as he pulled the middle drawer of his desk open and put the stack of letters inside before pushing it shut.

"Yes," Aidou replied with another nod,"there was this first-year girl that tried to make a pass at him, but I took care of her, like you instructed."

"For good, I trust?"

"Of course."

Takuma suppressed a very strong — almost unbearably so — urge to facepalm. He couldn't help but feellike he was a member of some criminal gang with all the conspiracy and shady activities going on around him.

"You sure?" Kaname asked to confirm.

"Yes, she is totally into me now," Aidou replied almost proudly. Takuma arched an eyebrow as he gave the younger blond a sidelong glance. He wondered if their genius even realized that he had been getting pimped out for about half a year now.

Ah, what a thought. Takuma's best friend didn't just have a severe case of brother complex, he was also a pimp. And the one he pimped out on a regular basis was one of their closest friends. Sure, Aidou didn't seem to mind, or even so much as _realize_ , for that matter, but _still_ … Wasn't it just _lovely_?

Takuma held back a heavy sigh.

"Very well," Kaname approved with a nod. "Keep up the good work, Aidou."

"Of course, Kaname-sama!" Aidou beamed at his leader while his cousin, Kain Akatsuki, rolled his eyes and Takuma shook his head again. The latter was sure that if he looked hard enough, he would actually see dog ears and a tail on the younger blond, and that tail of his would without a doubt be wagging madly with sheer joy that his owner's praise clearly filled him with.

Blind loyalty mixed with oblivious idiocy and unchanging admiration were a scary combination.

It was a good thing Takuma always had Aidou's example in front of his eyes to remind him of that fact.

**-o-**

Kaname almost literally got knocked off his feet when someone crashed into him as he was nearing the corner of the school hallway. He managed to keep his balance though while also catching and stopping the fall of the one who had run into him. Looking down and trying to catch the other's eyes, he asked if they were alright, only for his own eyes to widen in utter shock.

"…Zero?" Kaname asked after a long moment of stunned silence. Blinking, he couldn't help but let his gaze wander lower over his younger brother's form, his eyebrow rising at the other's appearance the moment he started to recover from his shock. "What on earth-"

"Come with me," Zero demanded urgently as he grabbed Kaname by the arm and pulled him along, forcing the older teen to turn around. "Now."

Kaname complied. Naturally. Still a bit out of it, he followed Zero without even looking where he was going, his full attention still captured by his beloved brother's form — or rather, his outfit.

It was only when he heard a door close behind him after they had entered an empty room that Kaname came out of his daze. Blinking, he looked up at the back of his brother's head. Zero was slouching slightly against the door, taking a few moments to recover from the running. A long sigh escaped him when he finally did. Straightening up, he turned around to face Kaname.

A long moment of palpable silence passed.

"…Um, is there something you would like to share with me, Zero?" Kaname asked with a raised eyebrow after giving his little brother a once-over. "Don't get me wrong, it suits you and all, but-"

"Stop right there!" Zero demanded as he lifted his hand in a 'stop' gesture, his head bowed and gaze glued to the floor in an unconscious attempt to hide his madly blushing — burning, really — face. Kaname couldn't help thinking it was adorable, unwittingly fascinated by the sight. "Don't say anything. It's embarrassing enough as it is. Just…" Zero paused to let out a sigh. "Just help me get out of _this_ ," he finished with a scowl of distaste as he looked down at his current more than just unusual outfit. Kaname could tell that Zero was mortified to be seen in it. So he did what any loving older brother would do.

"But it suits you," he replied, crossing his arms over his chest as he tried to make his feigned frown of confusion as genuine as he could, even though the corners of his mouth were killing him with their persistent attempts to curl up into an amused smirk. "And if it's me you are concerned about, you needn't be. You should know I won't judge you. You will always be my favorite adorable little brother, whatever secret hobbies you might indulge in."

Yes, he did exactly what a loving, kind and open-minded older brother like him would do.

"Oh, or should I refer to you as sister while you're in that outfit?"

He acted like a jerk.

Zero was gaping at him wide-eyed. He was speechless for a few seconds from the initial shock Kaname's words clearly gave him, but then he recovered from it, and immediately, an angry scowl came to his face.

"Do that, and I'll cook nothing but _Yuuki's_ favorite _sickeningly sweet_ desserts that you hate so much for the rest of our lives."

Burgundy eyes widened with a surprised blink, Kaname's frown turned genuine and he didn't have to fight to keep amusement off his face anymore. Ridiculous as it was, Zero's threat was actually pretty effective.

"You can't do that," Kaname said, offended.

Zero crossed his arms over his chest. "Try me," he challenged.

Zero was serious, Kaname could tell. Obviously, it wasn't the time to have fun at his little brother's expense.

"Okay," Kaname said, raising his hands in a pacifying gesture. "Okay, let's just calm down now. You don't have to be so harsh."

" _You_ don't have to be an _ass_ ," Zero shot back accusingly, still annoyed with his older brother. "Not about _this_." He looked down briefly to emphasize his point.

"Okay, you're right, I'm sorry," Kaname conceded. "Just don't take away the pie."

Zero gave a snort. "Only if you behave."

"I will," Kaname promised hastily.

"Good," Zero approved with a nod. "Now, start being useful and help me undo this stupid dress," he commanded, stepping further into the room and walking past Kaname to put his usual school outfit that was a normal boys uniform of the Cross Academy they studied at on a desk by the window. "It's freaking suffocating," he added grumpily, removing a silver-haired wig with a gothic maid headband attached to it from his head. He scowled down at it before throwing it aside, then pulled out a backless chair at the desk to flop into it with a huff.

Kaname's brows furrowed. "Is that a corset?" he asked with a tilt of his head before approaching Zero, continuing without waiting for an answer, "How did you even end up in it?" 

"Ask your brother," Zero muttered sullenly.

"I am."

"Your other brother."

Kaname arched an eyebrow. "You mean _our_ brother?"

Zero huffed. "He is no brother of mine."

Kaname snorted. "Yeah, your looks alone scream of that." Then a frown creased his brow. "Wait, did you just indirectly disowned _me_ as your brother too?"

Zero gave a casual shrug. "Depends on your behavior."

"What did _I_ do?" Kaname asked, offended, his frown deepening.

An unimpressed silver eyebrow rose as Zero looked over his shoulder at the older teen. "You know what."

"I was only being myself."

"Exactly." Amethyst eyes lowered briefly as Zero gave a slight jerk of his head, giving another command, "Now get to work." Then he turned away.

Kaname arched an eyebrow at his sibling's bossy attitude, unable to keep an amused smile off his lips. With a small chuckle, he shook his head and complied with Zero's _'request'_.

…Was he a masochist for liking to be ordered around like that?

Maybe he was, but only with Zero. There was no way he would let anyone else treat him like that.

Another chuckle threatened to escape him, but Kaname managed to suppress it. His merry mood was gone, however, when his fingers started to unlace the black corset Zero was wearing.

His heart leaped before it began racing madly, he could feel his breathing quicken.

Distraction. He needed a distraction.

Forcing his fingers to stay steady as they kept working on the corset, Kaname swallowed nervously before asking in a seemingly casual manner, "So what's the occasion?"

"What do you mean?" Zero looked at him over his shoulder again, blinking curiously.

"The dress, the wig… Surely Ichiru didn't force you into this outfit only for his entertainment."

"He easily could."

"But did he?"

Zero sighed heavily. "Not this time."

Which returned them to Kaname's original question. "Then…?" Kaname prompted.

"The festival," came Zero's simple reply.

Kaname frowned, his fingers stopped. "Festival…?"

Zero's gaze turned to him again. "The school festival. You know, the one everybody has been going crazy about," he explained.

"Oh." Burgundy eyes widened in realization. "Right." Kaname refocused his attention on Zero's back and resumed his attempts at undoing a particularly tight knot. But then his frown returned and he looked up anew as another question formed in his mind, "Wait, what does _that_ have to do with _this_?"

Zero looked away with a sigh. "Apparently, our class decided to run a maid cafe."

A dark eyebrow rose. "'Apparently'?"

Zero nodded. "That's what I was told."

"Didn't you vote?"

" _I_ didn't."

Kaname tilted his head sideways with a curious blink. "How come?"

No response came.

"Zero?" Kaname prompted after some time.

Zero let out another sigh, a heavier one. "I guess I was asleep at the time," he replied with a shrug.

Kaname blinked. It was quiet for another while, then he gave a short laugh.

Zero turned to his sibling with narrowed eyes, growling, "I still have that pie as a hostage, you know?"

That made Kaname pause, but he failed to suppress his amused smile. He could feel his mouth quiver with the effort to hold back his chuckles. And he knew it was noticeable enough for Zero to see it, if the darkening blush on the silver-haired teen's cheeks was anything to go by.

Zero turned away again, huffing, which only deepened Kaname's amusement. A small chuckle managed to escape him, after all.

"Get back to work, dammit," Zero growled sulkily, refusing to meet his brother's teasing gaze.

"Okay, okay," Kaname conceded with another light chuckle.

That troublesome knot finally got loose.

"So you ended up drawing the short straw, huh?" Kaname spoke again after some time.

"I didn't draw anything. I was forced to take it," Zero corrected.

"Minor details," Kaname dismissed with a wave of his hand. But then a thought crossed his mind, and it made him stop what he was doing altogether. "Hold on, does it mean that you're going to be dressed like _that_ during the festival?" he asked with a frown of disapproval. "And why did they even choose you in the first place? You have plenty of girls for that."

Another sigh left Zero, his shoulders slumped. "We do, but Ichiru thought it would be funny to get _me_ into this humiliating outfit too." Then he straightened up, turning to Kaname once more. "And no way in hell I am going to let _anyone_ see me in _these_ ," he said incredulously before looking away with an annoyed huff. "I would rather miss the whole thing altogether than let those idiots have their way again."

Kaname secretly breathed a quiet sigh of relief. "That's good."

Zero looked at him with an arched eyebrow and a teasing smile. "I thought you said it suited me."

"I did," Kaname nodded. "And it does."

 _'And that is the problem,'_ he mentally added. 

Zero scowled and turned away. "Just shut up and get it off me already."

Kaname's breath caught in his throat once more. His heart started hammering against his ribcage anew just when he thought he had managed to get his body's reactions under control.

It was incredible what a sick mind could turn a few carelessly spoken words into, how it could twist them to fit its deranged desires.

Nodding tensely, Kaname complied, his fingers continuing to work on the laces stiffly. It took him only another couple of minutes to finish. "There," he said, trying to keep his voice even, "done." He involuntarily exhaled in relief when his fingers withdrew from Zero's back, but the sentiment didn't stay for long, destroyed by his brother's next actions.

He barely registered a quiet _'Thanks'_ sent his way as he watched Zero's hands rise and go to his nape, undoing two small buttons there before going for the zipper. Kaname watched every motion, mesmerized, unable to tear his eyes away, even though he knew he had to. His breathing quickened further as he felt a familiar, detestable heat rise in him.

Zero undid the zipper as far as his hands could go, then rearranged their position to unzip the dress the rest of the way. Kaname watched the pale skin get revealed, greedily drinking in the sight of it. It was teasing him, tempting him, begging him to touch it — _provoking_ him. And he almost gave in. He was _this_ close to it.

But he managed to stop himself, if only a mere moment before his fingers could touch that silky-looking skin. His form went impossibly rigid, his blood ran cold in his veins. He hadn't even noticed when his hand had gotten there. 

Kaname knew he needed to _leave_. Right now, right this very instant, before he did anything he would regret later.

"I need to go now," he said quietly, his hand still hovering over the smooth alabaster skin of Zero's now partially exposed back. He hoped his voice didn't sound as weird as he thought it did, "Are you going to be okay on your own?"

_It looked so soft, so inviting in its perfection… So pale and free of any blemishes… He knew it would feel divine against his hungry lips and greedy fingers — the innocent touches he had allowed himself so far had long promised him that. All he had to do was just-_

"Yeah, sure," Zero replied, interrupting Kaname's thoughts.

Kaname started, his gaze going to his hand, only now realizing how close it was to descending on Zero's back. He could feel the warmth radiating from that sinfully tempting skin a breath away from his own.

"See you at home, Kaname," Zero gave him a grateful smile over his shoulder before turning away and proceeding to undress, oblivious to his older sibling's near slip, painfully ignorant of the danger he was in.

 _Aah… Such absolute trust was just_ meant _to be broken and such sweet innocence simply_ begged _to be corrupted._

He really had to get away. Now. Before he went ahead and did something that would ruin his questionable semblance of peace and normalcy.

"Anytime," was the last thing Kaname said as he turned around and left the room in brisk strides, his now trembling hand already diving into his pant pocket to fetch his phone and type a quick message. Having done that, he put the device back and released a long shuddering breath, his other hand going up to rake his fingers through his hair as he kept trying to calm his racing heart without much success. 

It was at times like this that Kaname desperately wished it all would just end. This insanity, this sick obsession of his. What Zero unknowingly did to him…

It was a torture Kaname didn't know how much longer he would be able to bear.

It was already worsening — it had been worsening for some time now. Kaname could feel his grip on control threatening to slip almost too palpably. He couldn't allow it. He wouldn't. Not after all this time.

It was a good thing he had found a temporary solution to that growing problem of his. A very convenient one at that, too, albeit not completely satisfying.

Kaname's train of thoughts halted at the sound of a few quiet knocks at the door of the Student Council room he had arrived in at some point in time. Speaking of his solution…

"Kaname-sama…" sounded a familiar by now voice of one Souen Ruka, his classmate and a fellow member of the Student Council. Kaname suppressed a small sigh of annoyance as he regarded the girl briefly, not failing to catch the usual mix of adoration and faint hope in her eyes as she looked at him. It was her luck she never had to get him in the mood. She would have been met with nothing but bitter disappointment with herself otherwise. 

One of his hands loosened his tie while the other started working on the buttons of his jacket as he made his way towards the windows to draw the curtains, instructing, "Lock the door."

Ruka did. Then she turned around to fully face him anew, her hands going up to her chest.

"Don't," Kaname stopped the girl before she could start working on undoing her uniform jacket. "It isn't necessary."

"Th-then-"

"Put your hands on the desk." He folded his jacket and placed it on the back of his armchair, then fetched a condom from one of his desk drawers. 

Again, Ruka actually fulfilled his demand without a moment's hesitation. For the life of him, Kaname couldn't get how she could be so willing to do whatever he told her to do. Had she no self-respect? Not that he was complaining. It was rather convenient for him, after all, even though he wouldn't have trouble finding a replacement if Ruka suddenly decided to try having some dignity.

"And do remember to keep your voice down," Kaname placed his hand on Ruka's back and gave it a slight push to have the girl bend over the desk, his other hand pulling her skirt up and lowering her underwear down her thighs before unfastening his pants, taking out his erection, putting the condom on and positioning himself.

Kaname took a moment to regard the slender yet curvy form beneath him. A shuddering breath passed through his lips as Ruka's back was replaced with the one he wished to see, long wavy hair of strawberry blond changing into short, straight strands of silver silk. Just like it did every time.

A bittersweet smile stretched Kaname's lips at the first thrust.

He really was the worst, imagining his beloved in such a way, corrupting his wonderful innocence so cruelly, violating him over and over and over again in his sick mind. It was a wonder he still was able to look Zero in the eye. Although that certainly hadn't been the case the first few times, which was somewhat comforting.

Oh, the regret he had felt back then, the shame… Those had been the very first and only instances where he had gone out of his way to avoid his Zero. Kaname wondered where that guilty conscience of his had disappeared off to since then. To think he used to be so endearingly innocent at some point in time…

"A-ah…! Kaname-sama…"

Then came the voice, the sounds the girl in Kaname's hold couldn't suppress. They were completely unnecessary, but that was okay. His imagination was creative enough to provide him with the voice he actually wanted to hear. 

_'Kaname…'_

He couldn't help but wonder though, how close his fantasies actually were to reality. He couldn't help but want…to find out for himself. 

_'K-Kaname… Hah…! So good, Kaname…'_

He ought to burn in hell for imagining doing such things to his little brother — even more so for actually getting off on it.

 _'Zero…'_ Kaname panted, his grip on the slender shoulder he had been holding onto tightening, his hips increasing their speed, their movements turning erratic. _'Zero, Zero…!'_

_'Hn, ah! H-harder, Kaname, please-'_

_'Zero…'_ Groaning, Kaname bent over the quivering body beneath him, pushing it further onto the desk with one hand while the other steadied slim hips. He bit his lower lip hard to prevent the name as well as the words he wanted to say from slipping out. _'I love you…'_

He squeezed his eyes shut, his brows drew together in a concentrated frown. _'Zero…!'_ His body went rigid for a moment, assaulted by delicious shivers of pleasure, his neck strained, all movements stilled as he climaxed with a deep groan.

_'Zero…'_

All too soon he had to come down from his high. Still breathing heavily, Kaname opened his eyes and looked down, disappointed to find the previous image his mind had so readily provided him with gone, disappointed yet again by the reality he had to face.

A few shuddering breaths later his body calmed down completely. He pulled away from the smaller form beneath him, fixed his clothes, grabbed his jacket and then left wordlessly without giving Ruka another glance.

**-o-**

Kaname knew he wasn't just sick and disgusting, he was also a horrible, cruel man. He knew it. He admitted it — at least to himself, he did, and that was good enough for now. Maybe his awareness meant he wasn't such a lost cause, after all.

…Or maybe it meant just the opposite. Maybe it only spoke of his weakness and cowardly surrender thathe never should have accepted. He wasn't sure, he had gotten lost somewhere along the way.

Not that it even mattered. Not anymore. He knew his rotten soul was beyond salvation either way, so why bother concerning his already disturbed enough mind with such pointless contemplations? The way he saw it, it was an unnecessary waste of energy. He wouldn't be fixed. He couldn't be. He didn't care to be, too. He had fought enough already, and he still was.

Certainly, it wasn't an acceptable excuse for what he did to others — namely, to Ruka. There couldn't be an excuse for that, but…

He honestly believed it was the only way he could keep his beloved safe from his sick self. In reality, at least, since his mind was obviously a different matter altogether.

Ruka was a convenient tool for that. And a willing one, too, considering _she_ had come onto _him_ , not the other way around. He had merely accepted her desperate offer without _ever_ promising her anything, so if the girl was unhappy with it or wanted to blame anyone, she should blame herself.

Takuma often pitied her. He was the only one aware of their 'arrangement', and he knew Kaname had no romantic feelings whatsoever for the girl. Thus his pity for her and occasional attempts to guilt-trip Kaname into reconsidering his actions.

Naturally, it never worked. Kaname couldn't be bothered with Ruka and her feelings for him. They were her own and didn't concern him. He had never led her on. She knew he didn't reciprocate her affection — his attitude expressed it clearly. But she still came to him whenever he called and let him use her body as he pleased.

Did that make him a heartless bastard? Maybe. No, not maybe, it definitely did. But that, too, didn't really bother him. He didn't force her to do anything she didn't want to do — whatever she did, she did it of her own free will. And as for him…

Well, he had his urges, and he sure as hell wasn't saint. And since he couldn't have the one he truly wanted, he had no choice but to find an outlet for his sexual frustration that just couldn't seem to stop building up lately. Which was understandable, considering his age as well as the fact that he did live under the same roof with the very object of his affection and desire.

In all honesty, it was Kaname who deserved compassion, so Takuma's sentiment for Ruka was completely misplaced.

Could his friend even imagine what Kaname was going through each and every day of his life? No, of course he couldn't. He didn't know what an utter torture it had become for Kaname since too long a time ago to hold back and not simply act on his urges when his beloved was right there by his side, so innocent, so oblivious and pure, so beautiful and sinfully tempting and…just _waiting_ to be _devoured_ , silently _begging_ to be _tainted_ , _claimed_ , _ravaged_ by him and him alone.

Hmm…

Now that Kaname thought about it, he actually _may be_ considered saint in a way. He _had been_ holding back all this time, after all.

A long sigh escaped him.

"Want to take a break?" came Takuma's voice.

Kaname looked sideways at his friend, replying after a moment of contemplation with a shake of his head, "No, it's okay. Let's keep going. How many are left?"

"Only two more," Takuma said, lifting two leather-bound folders to support his words.

"Next quarter's target?" Kaname asked as he took one of the folders from Takuma's hands and opened it to start reading.

"Five. The usual," Takuma replied with a slight shrug of his shoulders, already sifting through the contents of the remaining folder.

That was another part of Kaname's routine as a good son and heir — helping his father take care of whatever company matters the man deemed him capable of handling. This time those were product development proposals, which he had no trouble managing — as was to be expected after years of practice. He hadn't been dragged to so many boring meetings and forced to study the family business since early childhood for nothing, after all.

It was tiring and pretty boring most of the time, but at least it was useful in many ways, including helping him keep his mind _off_ certain things by keeping him busy.

Another thoughtful hum sounded in Kaname's mind.

The universe certainly seemed to be a rather conveniently built place when it came to some things. Either that, or somewhere deep within his subconscious mind, his father had always been aware of his eldest son's forbidden feelings for his middle son and thus had been trying to distract Kaname with business matters while also providing himself with an heir that would keep their family's strong hold on their numerous companies.

 _'Oh, thank you, father, for keeping me from committing a grave sin,'_ Kaname sarcastically thought to himself, barely holding back a derisive snort at all the ridiculous notions his mind kept coming up with. He really needed to get back to work at hand, if he wanted to get it done and over with anytime soon.

So he did just that. He cleared his head of unnecessary thoughts and focused on the proposal before him. He never got to the end of it though, as only a couple of minutes later he was distracted again, this time by some sort of commotion on the other side of the closed doors of his study room.

_Hurried steps. Muffled voices — arguing, without a doubt. There was a female voice for sure, and a familiar one at that. It was getting louder and seemed more desperate the closer it got._

Kaname arched an eyebrow, recognizing Ruka's voice. What on earth was _she_ doing in his house?

Takuma's eyes widened briefly with a few blinks as he turned to look at the doors, a small frown soon settling on his face. Kaname guessed the blond was wondering the same thing he was.

_Next came a male voice as its owner replied to whatever Ruka had said._

Kaname's expression mirrored Takuma's. He believed he knew that voice too. He was pretty sure it belonged to Kain, but it was hard to tell since it kept getting drowned out by Ruka's muffled cries.

_'What in the world-'_

He never finished the thought, as the doors burst open and Kain's familiar tall form stalked inside, his stride brisk and determined — and headed straight towards Kaname.

"Kain?" Takuma called as both of them rose to their feet.

"Kain, no!" a flustered and desperate-looking Ruka cried as she rushed into the room a few steps behind Kain, apparently trying to catch up to him but failing.

"Ruka-chan?" Takuma's frown deepened, his gaze flickering between the two newly arrived individuals. His lips already parted to ask what was going on, but he never got to say a word, left completely speechless by Kain's next action.

It came as an absolute surprise to everyone.

Takuma's eyes widened in shocked disbelief.

Ruka cried out while bowing her head and covering her face with both hands.

Kaname fell to the floor after a failed attempt to grab at something that would help him keep his balance, knocking over the documents along with some small items on his way down.

A moment of tense stillness passed.

Kaname shifted on the floor, assuming a sitting position, a pained groan escaped him as he touched his now bruised cheek.

It was only then that Takuma managed to come out of his stupor. "K-Kain, what are you-"

"Get up," Kain demanded through tightly clenched teeth, glaring down at Kaname with a dark scowl. "Get up, you scum."

Kaname's only response was a raised eyebrow, he made no move to comply with the other's demand.

Kain's scowl darkened. He shifted forward, but before he could take another step in Kaname's direction, Takuma interfered. "Kain, don't," the blond said as he ran up ahead of the taller teen and blocked his way. "Calm down," he continued, putting his hand on the other's shoulder and giving it a light squeeze. "Let's just-"

A loud gasp came, interrupting Takuma and attracting everyone's attention to the double doors. There stood Yuuki, wide-eyed and frozen in place, her hands covering her gaping mouth.

"Kaname-onii-sama!" the girl cried as she ran into the room, lowering herself to the floor the moment she reached her brother's side. "N-nii-sama, are you okay?" she asked, reaching up tentatively to touch Kaname's face, only to have her hand pushed away by her brother. 

The rejection hurt, Kaname could see it in Yuuki's eyes. And it hardly bothered him.

"Leave, Yuuki," the older brunet said uncaringly, "it doesn't concern you."

Yuuki blinked rapidly, her eyes widened further in shock. "B-but-"

"What the hell is going on here?!" That was Ichiru.

"Kaname…?" And Zero wasn't too far behind.

Kaname cursed inwardly. Could it get _any_ worse?

"Calm down, you three." Kaname stood up and dusted himself off, continuing calmly, "Kain is just being overdramatic."

" _'Overdramatic'_?" Kain growled, his teeth gritting further and eyes narrowing in an even darker glare. He tried to step forward, but was stopped again, this time not just by Takuma but by the twins as well.

Kaname remained unaffected by the other's hostility towards him. "You came here to protect her 'honor', or, well, whatever is left of it, right?" he voiced his assumption with a vague dismissive gesture.

That attitude clearly angered Kain even more, if his countenance and another failed attempt to get to Kaname was anything to go by.

Kaname snorted. "What a noble yet utterly unnecessary thing to do."

"You bastard," Kain hissed angrily before turning to Takuma and Ichiru, demanding, "Let go of me, dammit!"

"Kain, calm down. _Please_ ," Takuma implored. "We can talk about this, just-"

"Talk about _what_?! Huh?! About _him_ being a heartless ass and treating the girl who loves him like dirt?!"

Takuma visibly faltered at the other's accusations. "W-well, it's not like it's our place to interfere with their relationship..."

That made Kain go still, his eyes widened in incredulity. " _'Relationship'_...?" he repeated, his brows drawing together in disapproval. His initial shock dissipated, replaced by anger anew. "You call _that_ a relationship?! He is just using her!"

"And I never heard _her_ complain about it," Kaname interfered smoothly as he folded his arms over his chest. "I guess she just _likes_ it that way, so maybe you should try it too sometime."

Two gasps sounded, emitted by a shocked Yuuki and a hurt, visibly mortified Ruka. Everyone in the room seemed to be taken aback by Kaname's callous words, some more so than the others.

"Kaname..."

Kaname's focus shifted to Zero at the call of his name, and he immediately regretted everything he had said. The reproachful look he was met with made sure of that.

His chest constricted, his breath caught in his throat. Pressing his lips together, Kaname looked away, unable to hold Zero's unwavering gaze for long.

"I won't be a part of this farce," he said quietly as he headed towards the double doors, stopping midway to meet Kain's eyes once more before adding, "You can have her any way you want for all I care."

And then he left, paying no heed to whatever response he was given.

**-o-**

Kaname scowled at the sound of light knocking on his door. He didn't even try to conceal his annoyance as he snarled over his shoulder, "I said I didn't need anything! Go away, Yuuki!" The girl just couldn't get the hint, could she?

With a heavy sigh, Kaname leaned against the window frame, his usually perfect posture slumped a bit. He was tired. He wished the day would end sooner. Maybe he would just skip dinner and turn in early. He didn't feel like doing anything anyway, so-

All of a sudden, Kaname heard the door open. His garnet eyes widened briefly in surprise, but the sentiment passed very quickly. He turned around sharply, about to voice his irritation with Yuuki and her persistence, but whatever words he had in mind died on his tongue even before he could put them into a proper sentence. His irritation dissipated altogether too, replaced by quiet — albeit slightly apprehensive — joy that he didn't dare openly express.

"Zero…" he breathed out the name, unconsciously turning further to fully face the other. "What is it?" he asked in a gentle tone that couldn't be more different from the one he had previously used. "Did something happen?"

Zero replied with a slight shake of his head, "Nothing happened." He stepped into the room and nudged the door backwards without fully closing it. It was only then that Kaname noticed a hand towel and a bag of ice cubes in Zero's hands.

A dark eyebrow rose. "Is it _that_ bad?" Kaname asked, pointing at his face when Zero gave him an inquiring look. 

Zero gave a barely audible _'Oh'_ at the realization before shaking his head and replying, "No, just…" he trailed off, then continued with a shrug of his shoulders, "We can't just leave you like that, can we?"

A small smile touched Kaname's lips as he watched Zero settle on a sofa and prepare everything he needed to tend to him. Amethyst eyes locked with garnet ones anew when the younger teen was done. Zero gestured to his older brother to sit down beside him next, and Kaname complied.

Several minutes of silence followed as Zero applied a cold compress to Kaname's bruised cheek, carefully watching the older teen's expression for any signs of pain.

Kaname, in turn, was closely observing his beloved's face, unwittingly amused by a concentrated frown there. He couldn't help but find it endearing.

His amusement quickly began to wane though, as all too soon the memory of the previous incident came back to him.

The silence slowly turned tense. It lasted for some time, ending only when Kaname found enough courage to ask a question that had been bothering him since he had left his study room. 

"…Do you despise me?"

Zero's eyes widened with a startled blink as he met Kaname's gaze. His brows drew into a slight frown. "Of course I don't," he replied.

"But you disapprove?" Kaname took a guess.

Zero shifted his attention to Kaname's cheek anew. "Does it even matter what I think?"

It was Kaname's turn to frown. "Of course it does. Always." His frown deepened. His head tilted slightly to the side as he brought his hand up to Zero's cheek, prompting the younger teen to meet his eyes anew. "How can you think otherwise?"

Zero didn't reply to the last question.

"…I feel sorry for Kain-sempai," he said truthfully instead, his hand going up to take hold of Kaname's, only to remove it from his cheek and guide it down. "For Souen-sempai too, but… But for him most of all." His expression turned sad. "It was cruel, Kaname. You really hurt him. Both of them."

Kaname looked down. "…I know."

Zero took a few moments to observe his brother. "Then you should make it right."

No reply came.

"Kaname?" Zero prompted after some time.

Garnet eyes met amethyst ones anew. Still no answer.

Zero breathed a long sigh.

Another while was spent in silence. Eventually, though, Kaname caved in with a sigh of his own and his eyes lowered in surrender. "I will think about it," he replied at long last.

Zero's tense shoulders relaxed with a silent sigh. A small smile came to his lips. "Okay," he said quietly with a small nod before focusing his attention on his self-appointed task.

A comfortable silence settled after that, occasionally interrupted by random comments and playful bickering that had long become an integral part of their communication pattern. Kaname couldn't help relaxing in the familiar atmosphere, quietly enjoying every second spent alone with his beloved, secretly relishing every glance, every painfully careful touch, every response he got.

Zero stayed even after he was done tending Kaname's bruised face. The two never went downstairs for dinner, spending the evening talking instead until the very moment they somehow fell asleep a few hours later.

It was already nighttime when Kaname stirred awake.

Blinking drowsily, he slowly turned his head to look at the door, a faint frown touching his features. He thought he had heard it creak, but it didn't seem to have moved from its previous position — at least so it looked in the dim light — and the sound had been so soft he couldn't be sure. His frown deepened briefly, but he quickly dismissed the matter with a mental shrug, his mind still too hazy to bother itself with such trivial matters.

He looked around vaguely, only then realizing he had fallen asleep on his sofa in a rather awkward position — slight soreness in his neck testified to it. He shifted to get more comfortable, only then noticing warm weight leaning against his side and preventing him from moving freely. Burgundy eyes looked down.

Kaname's breath caught in his throat, he involuntarily tensed up, fully awake now.

A long moment of breathless stillness passed.

Slowly, Kaname's hand rose to rest on Zero's head, lingering there briefly before stroking it gently. A warm smile lifted the corners of his mouth and a quiet sigh of content left him at the sight of his little brother snuggled against him fast asleep.

Kaname let himself indulge in the moment for a bit before carefully — and reluctantly — untangling Zero from himself to get up and lift the younger teen up in his arms, all the while mindful not to disturb his sleep. He considered carrying Zero to his bed but quickly thought better of it, not trusting himself — certainly not when his precious sibling was so wonderfully yet cruelly vulnerable.

Kaname couldn't allow himself to fall prey to such a sinfully irresistible temptation, could he? No, of course not. For his beloved's sake, he had to endure this sweet torture. At least for now, for as long as he could.

Because he knew deep in his heart that his good big brother facade was bound to die a miserable death someday in the near future. Unless, of course, he would be miraculously cured. Which he didn't even consider an option. It was nothing but a fool's wishful thinking.

Kaname knew he was sick with something that was rooted so deeply within him it was incurable. But that was fine. He had long made his peace with that fact. It didn't make it any less socially unacceptable, of course, but there was nothing he could really do about it. He had had his share of getting freaked out and disgusted with himself. He had had enough of denial and self-reproach. None of that helped his case anyway, so why bother with it any further? It was much easier to simply accept his sickness and embrace its madness.

So he had done just that, having realized that fighting it was meaningless. The world itself was already crazy, full of corruption and degradation, of all kinds of madmen and deviants — hidden or not. Adding him to the count would hardly make any difference.

Sure enough, he knew it didn't justify his immoral feelings, nor did it make his situation any less disturbing. But it did make it somewhat easier to accept his reality as it was. Which was just what he needed in order to retain his sanity.

…Whatever semblance of it there was to be retained, at the very least.

Kaname stifled a derisive snort at his own logic as he carefully put Zero into bed and tucked him in.

A deep sigh escaped Zero as he shifted slightly into a more comfortable position. Kaname couldn't help smiling at the endearing sight. Unable to help himself, he sat down on the edge of the bed, his hand automatically going to Zero's head, stroking a few stray strands of silver hair out of the teen's face before moving to his cheek and stopping there.

A quiet sigh left him, his smile disappeared. Burgundy eyes clouded over, narrowing ever so slightly.

Kaname's thumb stroked Zero's cheek.

Unconsciously, Zero leaned into the touch with a soft sigh.

Kaname's heart thumped noisily in his ears. He felt that familiar sensation in his chest, one that warned him that he had to leave. _Now_.

Yet he didn't. For the first time in his life, he failed to heed it — he _chose_ not to, his body itself refused to. It seemed to have a mind of its own as it leaned forward, completely ignoring every vehement protest the still sane part of his mind screamed at him.

He was unable to stop himself. Everything happened so fast he didn't even realize what he was doing until it was too late.

It was only a brush, a fleeting, delicate, contact — tentative even. Never in his life had Kaname felt so nervous, so vulnerable, so exposed and scared.

…And yet so _exhilarated_ and _thrilled_ it was almost suffocating.

And he wanted to feel _more_.

Kaname pressed his lips firmer against Zero's, his eyes shut in bliss, his other hand coming to cup Zero's other cheek.

The contact lasted longer this time, less hesitant but still restrained. Yet it still managed to make every cell in Kaname's body _sing_. 

But that sensation was gone the moment Kaname withdrew and his garnet eyes opened, immediately clashing with wide amethyst ones.

Kaname inhaled sharply, frozen, his eyes widening as well.

Everything went impossibly — _terribly_ — still. The silence between the two as they stared at each other was suffocating.

Rigidly, Kaname withdrew further, never breaking eye contact with Zero. Then, unable to face all the emotions he could see battling in those familiar lavender orbs any longer, he rose to his feet and quickly strode away.

Blindly, he made it to his room.

_God…_

He closed the door and leaned his back heavily against it, completely breathless by then. His legs gave out and he slid down along the door, all but collapsing.

_What had he done?_

His head dropped into his hands, his fingers buried themselves into his hair, clutching it tightly.

_What on earth had he done…?_

**-o-**

Zero started putting distance between them after that incident.

It was a natural reaction, so Kaname wasn't really that surprised by it, but… But it still hurt. It really, really _did_.

And Kaname had no way of fixing it. He didn't know what to say. He didn't know what to do. He didn't even know how to approach the issue. So he left it hanging in the air and never spoke about it with Zero, simply hoping that everything would somehow resolve itself on its own.

It was only several months later that things started to seem like they _could_ get back to normal. Before that could happen, however, another significant event took place. And it was one that affected all of them.

Their parents died.

Officially, they met with a tragic accident — one of those that a person never expected to befall them or their family, one of those that always seemed to happen either to other people or only in the movies. A car crash. Plain and simple and sadly typical. One of those happened at least once pretty much every day everywhere.

That was the official, public-oriented version.

Unofficially, Kaname knew differently. Short story made even shorter, his mother dearest had gone and done it — she had stabbed her madly beloved husband to death and then took her own life. A true fairy tale, wasn't it? The outsiders always thought of them as a perfect couple, in spite of his father's numerous indiscretions, and now they finally had their 'happily ever after'. The one that a 'perfect couple' like them was entitled to.

Maybe it would provide the public with some sort of consolation.

_Pitiful, pitiful fools._

Kaname would never be able to fathom what on earth those people were thinking. Were they complete idiots or just _that_ blind not to see past appearances? Or was it that his parents just had been that good at maintaining those same appearances?

He supposed it was both. But who cared now? His parents were dead, finally together, like his mother had always dreamed. And as for their children that they had left behind…

They would be fine. It wasn't like the two had been overly active participants in their lives to begin with. Sure enough, there would be changes, but Kaname seriously doubted they would be that drastic or palpable. Zero and Ichiru would without a doubt feel the loss of their remaining parent, but they would be alright — they were strong and they had had it worse. Yuuki would be a broken-hearted, crying mess for quite a while. Spoiled little princesses like her tended to have a hard time dealing with tragedies that just weren't supposed to be part of their perfect lives. And as for Kaname himself…

He was relatively unaffected by the whole ordeal. It hadn't even come as much of a shock to him. His mother had been unstable for years, it had been only a matter of time before she completely lost it, especially with his father being his usual unfaithful self.

Sometimes Kaname couldn't help wondering if he had more siblings — both older and younger — spread around the world. He knew for sure his supposed cousin, Shiki Senri, was one. Very few people knew that truth. His younger siblings certainly didn't, and even Shiki himself was unaware of the fact that the man he believed to be his father, Kuran Rido, was actually his uncle who had agreed to register him as his son in his younger brother's stead. Kaname wasn't privy to the details of that agreement, but there was no doubt in his mind that his uncle had gained some sort of profit from it. There was just no way the man had done it out of the goodness of his heart.

Kaname unwittingly wondered how many more such 'deals' his dear father had made. Not that he suddenly started to care or wish to meet those very possibly existing other siblings of his, no. He was just a little curious every once in an extremely long while.

He tried not to dwell on that line of thought for too long though, as it aways ended up going into a fairly frustrating if not depressing direction of 'what ifs'.

_If Shizuka hadn't been 'special' for his father, if she had been just another fling for him…_

Kaname was sure his father wouldn't have chosen to take Zero and Ichiru in.

_If his father had done with Zero and Ichiru what he had done with his other illegitimate children…_

Kaname would have most likely never found out that they were his siblings. Their looks alone couldn't be more different. The very thought of such a possibility wouldn't even enter anyone's mind. They would have met under different circumstances then, and everything would have been different. 

Then again, there would have been a highly undesirable possibility of them never meeting at all, and Kaname couldn't have that. It was something he preferred not to think of, even if such a scenario would have certainly been much easier to live out. It didn't matter that he wouldn't have even known what he was missing out on, he still didn't want a life where he didn't know Zero.

Kaname mentally shook his head to clear his mind of unnecessary thoughts.

A sob — another one of the many — sounded beside him. Kaname turned his head slightly, his eyes lowering to look at Yuuki. Her face was wet with tears, eyes red and puffy from too much crying. It was all she had been doing for the last few days since learning of their parents' demise. Not surprising. Kaname had predicted as much. What did surprise him though, was his indifference to his sister's pain. He was supposed to sympathize with her, right? He was supposed to hate seeing her in such a broken, miserable state, right? He _was_ supposed to want to comfort her, to erase her tears… _right_ …?

He knew he was, but he felt no such urge. Even now as he silently watched her, there was pretty much nothing, only an absent thought of how weak and pitiful she was. That and a slight annoyance at the way she kept clinging to his arm in the most pathetic yet surprisingly persistent manner. She had been doing it since even before they had arrived at their parents' funeral and hadn't let go even once throughout the service so far.

Kaname turned away, his eyes landing on the two coffins anew.

Still nothing. Only numbness.

Honestly, what was _wrong_ with him…?

…Or rather, what _wasn't_?

A quiet sigh left him. He wished it would all just-

Kaname froze, stiffening, his eyes widened. Slowly, he turned his head to look at the person standing at his other side.

He wasn't granted eye contact. Sad amethyst eyes remained locked on the coffins ahead of them.

Kaname blinked. His gaze lowered to his hand. He hadn't imagined it, and he wasn't imagining it now. It _was_ there. The hand. Pale and soft and sightly cold yet warm at the same time. It was holding his hand gently, and he could feel its comforting, tender warmth slowly seep into his skin and spread up his arm and further through his body. He couldn't help curling his fingers as he looked away, apprehensive of Zero's reaction yet unable to hold back.

The hand stayed. Zero didn't try to withdraw it.

Kaname's form involuntarily relaxed, albeit not fully. He was still expecting rejection.

It never came though. Instead…

Kaname's eyes widened once more, his breath silently caught in his throat and he tensed up anew.

A squeeze, light and tentative at first, before it grew tighter.

Kaname didn't dare look at Zero, nor at their linked hands. He forced himself to relax once more, exhaling quietly.

Then he squeezed back. And he held that hand tightly until the very end of the service.

Zero really shouldn't be so kind, especially to him. Didn't he realize how vulnerable he made himself? Didn't he know that Kaname wouldn't miss a chance to exploit such weakness…? _Didn't_ he…?

_...He really should have known better._

**-o-**

Kaname remained unaffected by his parents' death.

He hadn't shed a single tear — he simply hadn't felt the need to.

He followed his usual routine to a tee.

He easily aced his high school graduation exams followed by his university entrance exams — nothing surprising there. Not to be a conceited ass, but such results were expected.

He even found enough time and energy to get more involved in the family business.

Overall, he was perfectly fine, and everything was okay.

 _'Yeah,'_ Kaname thought with a mental nod of his head, _'everything...'_

...But then there were times when it wasn't quite so. He didn't know what exactly was going on during those times. He couldn't even begin to fathom how and why they came to be in the first place. All he did know was that he hated them, he hated feeling so lost and cold and empty and just...numb and _lonely_.

It was unbearable.

And there was only one person who could make it better.

It took Kaname every bit of his courage to actually do it, and even so he stood in front of Zero's closed door for what seemed like hours before actually letting himself in. He didn't dare go further at first, and only watched his younger sibling from a distance. A soft sigh of relief left him when even after a few minutes Zero showed no reaction to his presence. He _was_ asleep then.

Quietly pushing the door shut after himself, Kaname moved slowly across the room towards the only bed. For a very long moment, he hesitated, bombarded with doubts and fears all over again. At some point, however, Kaname's body moved of its own accord, and before he knew it he had crawled into Zero's bed.

For a few long minutes, he simply lay there on his side and watched his younger sibling's back.

Then, hesitantly, Kaname moved forward to close the distance between them and carefully wrapped his arms around Zero's middle. Burying his face in his brother's upper back, he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, enjoying his beloved's familiar, comforting scent.

 _Aah, he had missed this… The closeness, the warmth…_ Zero's _warmth._

Kaname could feel his tense body involuntarily relax, his mind getting pleasantly hazy. His arms tightened around Zero with a content sigh.

A soft groan reached Kaname's ears then, making him tense up anew. His eyes opened, but he refused to look up as he felt Zero turn slightly in his arms, undoubtedly looking over his shoulder at him.

Kaname didn't move, nor did he breathe. He _couldn't_.

Every passing second was a torture. He could feel Zero's eyes on him, and he hadn't failed to notice the slight stiffening of the other's form.

In just a few moments, that warmth would leave him. In just a few moments, he would be rejected. In just a few moments-

Kaname's eyes widened, he inhaled soundlessly. 

Zero didn't withdraw, he didn't even try to. He merely adopted his previous position, settling in with a deep sigh.

 _He didn't reject him. He_ chose _not to._

The amount of relief and happiness that filled Kaname when that realization sank in left him light-headed. The corners of his mouth lifted into a soft, grateful smile. Carefully, he tightened his embrace a little more and buried his face a bit further in Zero's upper back. He let his lungs fill with the familiar scent again and then allowed his form to relax anew.

For the first time in a very long while, he felt at peace.

**-o-**

For a while, things seemed like they were finally returning to normal. Zero stopped avoiding him, stopped putting distance between them, basically behaving like that little incident caused by Kaname's momentary slip of control hadn't even happened.

At first, Kaname was fine with it. It was a relief to finally be able to communicate with his beloved sibling the way they used to. It brought him the greatest joy. But sometimes...

Sometimes it just _wasn't enough_. Sometimes he couldn't help wanting _more_. Sometimes...

…Sometimes he got greedy.

And now, after that kiss, after getting _a taste_ of what he _could —_ well, 'could _never_ ' would be the more morally right choice, but Kaname clearly was _way_ past caring about morals — have, it was even more impossible to give it up now. He couldn't forget about it, he couldn't stop thinking about it — his mind just wouldn't quit replaying it over and over and _over_ again in his head. But no matter how hard Kaname tried to relive the sensation he had felt then, it was never quite right, it was never enough.

_It was driving him insane._

Sometimes he wished he could return to the _'before'_ — to his self that didn't know what Zero's lips felt like. But he knew there wasn't ever any sincerity behind that wish. Despite the consequences, Kaname had loved and thoroughly enjoyed every sweet moment of that innocent yet forbidden kiss.

He breathed a long sigh. Burgundy eyes opened to a relatively familiar by now sight of a pale nape of the neck. Kaname's arms involuntarily tightened around Zero's slumbering form.

He was there again. In Zero's bed, basking in the comfort his beloved's presence in his arms never failed to provide. He had done it so many times already he had gotten accustomed to that warmth he was so freely given, and that made parting with it all the harder. It was a good thing Zero didn't seem to mind indulging him. He never did, not when it came to his siblings. He just loved them all too much, and that was probably one of his greatest weaknesses that those said siblings of his never missed an opportunity to exploit.

Naturally, Kaname wasn't an exception. He was the prime example — lately more so than ever. Yet Zero still hadn't said a word of protest even once. Kaname guessed his beloved thought he needed all the comfort he could get, so heartbroken and fragile after losing both parents on the same day. _Poor, poor him._

Honestly, Kaname couldn't disagree more with that image Zero seemed to currently have of him. But he chose not to dispel his beloved's genuine concerns for him. There was a much better use for them, after all.

So here he was, exploiting his beloved's kindness without so much as a speck of shame. Could he get any lower?

...Kaname had no doubt he could. And he most likely would.

Releasing a shuddering breath, Kaname shifted forward, and before he could _really_ think about what he was doing, his lips touched Zero's skin.

_Soft and brief, tender and light, shy and tentative almost._

He withdrew almost immediately, but only slightly. The space between his face and the back of Zero's neck was so scarce Kaname could still feel the heat radiating from Zero's skin. It was on his lips, on his cheeks, slowly spreading down to his neck and lower still, sending a pleasant shiver through him and exciting his heart to beat faster as it merged with his own rising heat.

Kaname let himself place another kiss on the pale skin. Then another one. And another.

_Each lingering for a bit longer, each a little bolder than the previous one, yet all of them equally gentle and loving._

The light kisses must have disturbed Zero's sleep, as he curled into himself with a small whine in what looked like an attempt to escape ticklish sensations caused by Kaname's lips and hair.

Kaname couldn't help chuckling at the endearing reaction. Feeling mischievous, he followed, hugging Zero tighter, and continued peppering the pale skin before him with kisses, slowly making his way to the side of Zero's neck, then his jaw, then cheek, lingering there for a bit before stopping and withdrawing just enough to take a look at Zero's face as his beloved started to wake.

Lavender eyes cracked open, slowly blinking a few times to force the sleep away. Silver brows drew together in a frown.

Kaname's expression softened, his lips curved in a gentle smile.

"Kaname…?" came Zero's drowsy voice, his frown deepened after another blink. "What-…?"

Everything stilled as Kaname closed the gap between their lips before Zero could finish.

It took the younger teen a few long seconds to react.

Feeling his beloved grow tense, Kaname pulled away. The expression he was met with was one of shock. Then came confusion. Then sadness. 

Kaname's expression mirrored Zero's, a sad smile lifted the corners of his mouth slightly upwards.

Zero's lips parted to speak, but Kaname sealed them once more before a single syllable could be produced. A muffled groan of protest came as Zero began to struggle, pushing against Kaname's chest while trying to turn his head away. He tried again and again, but failed each time — Kaname only pressed further, now holding Zero's head firmly in place with both hands.

The groans turned more desperate after Kaname managed to sneak his tongue inside Zero's wonderfully warm, moist cavern. Zero pushed against Kaname's chest and pulled at his shirt, writhing under the weight of the firm body pinning him down.

Kaname took pity on his beloved several sweet moments later. Zero wasted no time scrambling away to the edge of the bed then, pressing his back hard against the wall as his knees drew up to his chest, his breathing labored and wide eyes glued to Kaname. 

Kaname felt his lips stretch further at the sight. He let Zero stay away for a few seconds. Then he crawled towards him. Zero tried to get away, moving along the wall to the corner, only to end up completely trapped by Kaname moments later.

"…You should fight me," Kaname said after a while. His hand rose, slowly, carefully, landing on the top of one of Zero's bent knees. Zero flinched at the touch, tensing. He tried to move away, but there was nowhere to run with the wall behind him and Kaname crowding him at the front. "You should hit me, _kick_ me," Kaname continued, his hand slowly sliding down the side of Zero's thigh. "You can easily do it from this position," he emphasized his words with a light squeeze that earned a sharp gasp from Zero. "It's okay, don't be afraid. I promise I won't get angry if you decide to do it. I won't hold it against you, nor will I hate you." Kaname's other hand went up to cup Zero's cheek, he drew a bit closer, continuing, "I could never hate you. You know that, right?"

Zero pressed his lips together, his hands fisted the sheets at his sides until his knuckles turned white.

Kaname caressed Zero's pale cheek lightly with his thumb. Slowly, he pressed his forehead against that of his beloved, closing his eyes with a long, quiet sigh.

A long silence passed.

"…I love you."

Soulful garnet eyes opened to lock with shocked lavender ones.

"I love you," Kaname repeated. And as he peered into those pools of clear, untainted lavender, he knew. He had no doubt in his mind that Zero _understood_. 

Kaname's sad smile returned.

Cupping Zero's other cheek, he closed the short distance between them once more.

_He had done it. He had said it. He had accepted his doom._

Letting go once was all it took. After that, the restraints were gone and there was no turning back. Nor was there a promise of salvation. For either of them.

**-o-**

_"I love you…"_

_Pale flesh trembled under his fingers. Smooth, warm and so, so deliciously vulnerable and sinfully tempting…_

_It was_ begging _him to touch it._

_"Kaname, don't- please-!"_

_He knew it was, even if its owner tried to convince him otherwise._

_"Kaname-!"_

_…He couldn't refuse, could he? He didn't have a choice._

_"Shh, it's okay, it's okay," that was his voice, whispering in an endearingly flushed ear. His fingers were buried in silky strands of pure silver, caressing them as gently as they only could. "Don't be afraid, I won't hurt you," his voice promised, "I could never hurt you. You know that, right?" It meant every word, he could tell. It belonged to him, after all._

_"No…" A chocked sob came. He felt the head in his hold shake from side to side. "No, stop- stop it!" Pale hands pushed against his chest with another sob._

_"Shh, don't cry," his voice cooed. Those sobs… They tore his heart apart. And yet they weren't enough to make him stop. "Don't cry, my love… It will be over soon, the pain will pass, I promise…"_

_More broken sobs of misery reached his ears, going straight to his heart, taking a firm hold of it and squeezing tightly,_ mercilessly _. He couldn't breathe, yet his body kept moving. He felt his lips quiver as they descended on that pale flesh, savoring its flawless skin._

_"Don't cry," his shaky voice gasped, barely recognizable to his own ears, "Please don't cry…"_

_His arms tightened around the shaking body. "I love you…"_

Kaname woke up to an empty bed. To a messy, empty bed, naked for some reason. Sitting up, he looked around the room — _Zero's room_. A faint frown creased his brow when he found his clothes scattered on the floor.

_What on earth…_

' _No…'_

Burgundy eyes widened.

_'Kaname, don't-!'_

Kaname sucked in a deep breath, stiffening.

_It wasn't a dream._

_'Stop-!'_

_He had done it. He had actually done it._

Kaname exhaled shudderingly, his head falling heavily into his open hands as he slumped forward. His breathing began quickening, he could feel panic well up.

_What-… How- how could he… What was he-…_

Then all of a sudden, it got quiet.

Everything and everywhere. It all disappeared. No noise. No panic. Not a single emotion, just…

_Silence._

His hands lowered as he slowly straightened his back and drew in a deep breath.

_Still nothing, only deepening silence, even as the previous night's events came back to him in full._

Another long while of blankness passed. Then…

A soft chuckle. Then another one. Then a few more that soon turned into quiet laughter.

It was indisputable now, wasn't it?

He was a monster. A sick, disgusting creature consumed by its greed, driven mad by its lust, enslaved by its deranged desires. He was cursed. He was damned. He was corrupted and broken beyond repair.

…He really _had_ gone _completely_ insane.

**-o-**

Zero had taken to avoiding Kaname after their _'first night'_ , as Kaname liked to fondly refer to it in his now undoubtedly deranged mind.

He didn't talk to him, he didn't come anywhere near him, he didn't even so much as look at him — _and_ he made sure not to stay alone with him in the same room. _Especially_ at night, even going so far as to sleep in Ichiru's room, which was something the twins had stopped doing even before entering middle school.

Such reaction wasn't unexpected, nor was it unnatural in any way, which was why Kaname gave his beloved the space he needed.

So he waited. Again.

 _A week. Two. Three._ Still the same — avoidance and silent treatment. Zero only spoke to him when absolutely necessary with Ichiru and Yuuki around, just enough to keep their siblings from suspecting anything. 

Every day was dull. Nothing could improve Kaname's mood that only kept getting worse.

 _A month. Two. Three._ He was at his limit. It was impossible to bear. He had never known that absolute disregard was _that_ painful, that frustrating and _terrifying_. A very probable thought that _maybe_ Zero's unconditional love for him wasn't strong enough to forgive him _anything_ hadn't crossed his mind even once before. Now it had. And it kept doing it more and more often as days went by.

What if Zero didn't love him anymore?

What if he had grown to _hate_ him?

What if he wouldn't forgive him? _Ever_ …?

 _No, it was impossible,_ Kaname tried to convince himself. _It was impossible. It was impossible._

 _His Zero loved him. He did._ Kaname _knew_ he did. He knew. He could feel it. _Always._ Now and _'before'_. _Forever._

_Zero could never hate him. It wasn't in his nature._

_Zero would forgive him._ Kaname was sure of it. _Zero loved him._

 _He loved him. Not Yuuki, not Ichiru._ Him _._

Kaname knew. He felt it. He could tell. _He could_ taste _it in his_ blood _-_

Garnet eyes widened. Kaname halted his thoughts, blinking.

'Blood'…

_Blood…_

Another blink.

_Blood…?_

Dark eyebrows furrowed.

 _…What in the world was_ that _about…? Where had that thought even-_

Ah, he remembered now. It was a dream. The one he had had recently. It was another one of those crazy dreams of some dark fantasy world ruled by blood. They had become increasingly frequent, some new and some old, repeating over and over again with gradually growing clarity. He had no trouble remembering them now — not just the overall contents but the small details as well. There was no lingering fuzziness and those dreams didn't fade away like they _should_ , even hours and days later. Just the opposite.

Those weren't mere dreams anymore. They couldn't be called just that. Not after they had started worming their way into his reality too.

_'Hallucinations'…?_

_'Delusions'…?_

_'Visions'…?_

Was he actually _that_ damaged in the head? Truly? Well, he knew for sure he was, but he hadn't expected the symptoms to take such a form.

So was that it? Was it time for him to get institutionalized and put on medication?

Was it curable? Would he ever be able to get out? Would he be able to return to Zero? Would his beloved wait for him? Would he even _visit_ him? Would he?

No, of course he wouldn't. Why would he? After what Kaname had done, he probably would be only too happy to get rid of him, wouldn't he? It was only natural. Right?

Kaname released a bitter chuckle.

_Of course. What other outcome could there be…?_

His lips formed a small, sad smile as he looked up, his eyes automatically turning to the familiar face of his beloved, only to widen in surprise as they suddenly got captured by clear lavender.

Kaname froze, involuntarily sitting straighter in his seat. His heart raced. Everything seemed to go completely still.

He was looking at him.

_Zero was looking at him._

He hadn't averted his eyes. Even now. He _was_ looking at _him_.

Silver brows creased slightly.

Kaname blinked rapidly. His head tilted in silent question, a small frown crossing his features as well. He searched Zero's face for an answer, but his beloved averted his gaze before he could get one.

Kaname breathed a quiet sigh of disappointment, his shoulders slumped. He turned away, looking down at a plate before him. He had barely touched his meal, but he didn't feel like eating anyway — now even more so than before.

_What was he thinking about again…?_

Blinking dazedly, Kaname forced his somewhat heavy hand to move towards the plate, picking at his food for the rest of their family dinner.

**-o-**

"…Are you okay?"

The question came out of nowhere, startling Kaname.

Blinking, he turned to Zero, surprised to find the silver-haired teen looking at him expectantly. Burgundy eyes widened slightly with another blink.

 _Could it be that he_ hadn't _imagined that question…?_

Zero frowned. "Kaname…?"

 _No, it wasn't his imagination. Zero_ was _talking to him._

Zero's frown deepened.

Dazed garnet eyes cleared. Unconsciously straightening his posture, Kaname gave his beloved a warm smile before finally responding, "Yes, Zero?"

That frown was still there, and Kaname couldn't help feeling happy about it. He had been right. He knew that now. The prove was right in front of him, in his beloved's eyes. He could see it there.

The _worry_ — reluctant yet genuine. 

Zero was worried. About _him_. Zero _still_ could get worried about him despite his wrongdoings, and that was all the prove Kaname needed.

_He loved him._

_Zero did love him. He_ still _loved him._

"Are you okay?" Zero repeated his initial question.

Kaname's expression softened. "I am," he nodded. He really was now. "What made you think I wasn't?"

Zero pressed his lips together, still looking at Kaname with concern visible on his face.

Kaname's smile widened, he tilted his head slightly sideways.

Zero looked away and shook his head. "Nothing," he finally answered. "Forget I asked." He turned around and headed for the dining room exit.

Kaname's face fell. Unable to help himself, he followed Zero, grabbing his sibling's forearm upon catching up with him. "Ze-"

"Don't touch me!" Zero shouted, spinning around and yanking his arm out of Kaname's grasp.

Kaname stepped backwards, his eyes widened in surprise as he watched Zero hug himself, trembling, his breathing erratic.

A long, tense silence ensued.

"Ze-…Zero-"

" _Don't_ ," Zero hissed, glaring at Kaname, "Don't touch me, don't talk to me, don't look at me, just-…just _don't_."

Kaname's shoulders slumped, sadness darkened his features. Zero averted his gaze and turned around to leave once more. Kaname watched his beloved with pained eyes. He tried to comply with Zero's wish. He really did. But-

"I'm sorry."

He failed.

Zero halted, but didn't turn around.

"I'm sorry," Kaname repeated, "I really am."

_'For hurting you…'_

"I'm sorry," he repeated again.

Slowly, Zero half-turned to look at his older brother, sad amethyst eyes locked with soulful burgundy ones.

Another silence settled, interrupted by Kaname's quiet voice a few moments later.

"I love you…"

Zero sucked in a sharp gasp, amethyst eyes widened.

A sad little smile stretched Kaname's lips, his expression turned apologetic as he confessed once more, "I love you."

Pain flashed across Zero's face. He averted his eyes with a troubled frown, hugging himself once more, his head lowered. He didn't say anything in response, but he didn't try to leave either. 

"…I'm sorry. Please forgive me," Kaname implored.

Slowly, he moved forward, taking each step carefully. Zero tensed visibly, but stayed where he was, quietly drawing a deep breath. Kaname stopped a couple of steps away from him.

The silence returned. After what seemed like a very long while, Kaname risked taking another careful step towards Zero.

Zero's shoulders stiffened further with a sharp intake of breath, he hugged himself tighter.

Kaname lifted his hand, itching to touch his beloved after so, _so long_. He thought better of it though, not missing how much that slight movement had affected Zero. His hand dropped after hovering over Zero's shoulder for a few seconds, sliding along his arm without touching it. A quiet sigh left him, followed by another while of silence.

"I love you, Zero."

_It was a curse. But…_

Eventually, it would get better. Things would never return to the way they originally used to be, but they would get better. They could and they _would_. Kaname could see it now.

There was still a chance. 

**-o-**

After a while, Zero stopped avoiding him.

He didn't leave the room as soon as they were left alone anymore. He talked to him almost normally. And Kaname even managed to get a hint of a smile a few times during some of their conversations.

It was obvious to Kaname that Zero still felt uncomfortable around him, that he was reluctant to let him get close, but that was okay. It was improvement, so for the time being, it was enough.

Another while later, Zero stopped spending nights in Ichiru's room. Kaname couldn't help but perceive it as a sign of trust of sorts. Of course, he had no way of knowing for sure whether it really was one or not, but he wanted to believe it was. That was why he was so careful not to betray that 'trust'.

He let his beloved have his space. He kept at a comfortable for him distance. He did his best not to slip, not to scare Zero off.

He held back. From touching, from kissing, from tasting, from savoring, from _claiming_ what he _felt_ was rightfully _his_ to claim. It took every bit of his patience and drained his already questionable sanity to resist the sinful temptation before him-

_So close...teasing, taunting him so cruelly..._

-and stay away, but he was managing somehow.

...And it seemed to be finally paying off.

It had been a long time since Kaname had the pleasure of witnessing the sight of Zero cooking. A very, _very_ long time. At some point, Kaname had even started thinking that he would never get to see it again, that his beloved would never cook anything for him _ever again_ , and that very real possibility had saddened him greatly. But there had been no choice other than to accept it, so he had. Grudgingly, he had.

Which was probably what made the sight in front of him that much more exhilarating.

At first, he had thought it was another one of his dreams or hallucinations or whatever they were. But minutes had ticked by, and it hadn't faded away still. It was there.

 _Zero_ was there, in their vast kitchen, standing at the counter cutting what looked like... _apples?_

Kaname's eyes widened, he involuntarily drew in a sharp breath. A familiar warmth spread through his chest, even though Kaname tried to will it away, mentally reprimanding himself for his foolishness. He knew he must be reading too much into it, but he couldn't help it.

Kaname stepped forward, his lips parted to speak, but no sound left him. He froze in his tracks, overcome by apprehension. For what felt like a very long while, he stayed still, unable to move.

 _Should he really disturb Zero's peace like that? Was it okay for him to? Was he_ allowed _to...?_

_What if he wasn't? What if it spoiled Zero's mood? What if it upset him? Angered him? Scared him...?_

_What if Zero didn't want to see him?_

_Well, of course he didn't, but what if he_ truly _didn't want it? To talk to him? To be near him?_

_...He should just leave right now, shouldn't he? Yes, it would be better that way._

_He should leave. Turn around and-_

"You're early."

Kaname tensed, halting once again, his head whipped around to find Zero looking at him over his shoulder.

Smiling hesitantly, Kaname turned to face the younger teen. "Two last classes got cancelled," he explained.

"I see." Zero turned away and resumed slicing the apples.

A while of silence followed.

Kaname's tense shoulders dropped as a long sigh escaped him. He let his eyes linger on Zero's back for a bit, then turned to leave when-

"Wash your hands and put on your apron," Zero instructed all of a sudden.

Kaname stopped, burgundy eyes widened as they returned to Zero's form.

Zero's hands paused as he looked over his shoulder once more. "You still remember the drill, don't you?"

Kaname blinked, his eyes widened further. He didn't say anything and only stared at Zero, apprehensive yet hopeful.

"Well?" Zero prompted. 

Slowly, the corners of Kaname's mouth lifted into a small smile. "How could I forget?"

He hadn't indeed. He wouldn't. Such moments were too precious.

Kaname noticed the corners of Zero's lips quirk upwards before the silver-haired teen turned away. "Good," he said, resuming his task of slicing the apples once more. "Then get to work."

Kaname gladly obliged.

It was nice, the two of them together like that again. It was nice and warm and it made Kaname truly happy. Zero not stiffening around him, not flinching away from him, not avoiding his gaze and just... _talking_ to him, letting him _stay near him_...it all brought him immense joy.

It took some time, but eventually the two managed to settle into their usual cooking routine. To Kaname's delight, his suspicions had confirmed — they were indeed baking his favorite salted caramel apple pie. There wasn't really much left to do since Zero had almost finished preparing all the necessary ingredients at the time of Kaname's arrival, so it didn't take long for the pie to be placed in the oven.

That left them with the task of washing the dishes — something Kaname most likely never would have done had it not been for Zero and his peculiar habit of cleaning up after himself. But even that Kaname found enjoyable time and time again, especially so now, after such an excruciatingly long while. He had missed it — _this_ , _them_. He really had.

A gentle smile never left Kaname's lips as he listened to Zero talk about school, friends, Ichiru, Yuuki, the new cafes he had discovered and wanted to visit, the books he had finished reading as well as the ones he was anticipating, the new movies he wanted to watch, the new recipes he had recently stumbled upon and wanted to try in the near future.

They had a lot of catching up to do after so long. Kaname eagerly took in every word Zero spoke and happily answered his beloved's various questions, sharing his impressions about university life, further involvement in their family business and the difficulties of managing the balance between the two.

Personally, Kaname found listening to Zero much more interesting than talking about the minor — in his opinion — changes in his life. So he automatically kept steering their conversation back to the silver-haired teen. Which eventually resulted in a rather surprising discovery. 

"An acquaintance? Your new teacher?" Kaname asked with raised brows.

"Mm," Zero nodded. "His name is Kaito. He used to play with us when we were kids."

Kaname frowned. "I don't recall anyone by that name."

"It was before we came here, Ichiru and I."

Kaname responded with a quiet _'Oh'_ before another question crossed his mind. "Wait, how old is he? Isn't he too young to be your teacher?"

"He is a few years older than us. But yeah," Zero nodded, "he is too young. That's why he is a student teacher for now."

"I see…" Kaname trailed off, averting his gaze to a freshly washed dish in his hands. Drying it absently, he continued, "It's amazing that you recognized him after all these years."

"I didn't. Neither did Ichiru. But Kaito recognized _us_." Zero snorted softly. "Apparently, there aren't many twins with our looks and names walking around."

Kaname gave a small chuckle. "No, there certainly aren't." He put the dried dish away and took another one from Zero to dry it as well.

"We couldn't remember him at first," Zero continued, "But then he started acting like his usual jerk self, and that was more than enough to jog our memory."

Kaname looked at Zero with a raised eyebrow. "I thought he was your friend?"

Zero shrugged. "Doesn't mean he can't be a jerk."

Kaname chuckled. "He can't be that hopeless if you're so happy to have him back in your life." He put away another dried dish and moved on to the next one.

Zero turned to him with a surprised blink. "I am?"

"You look that way."

"Do I?"

"You do," Kaname admitted with a small nod, trying and failing to suppress a twinge of jealousy he felt at his observation. He turned to Zero, a gentle smile curved his lips. "I'm glad you got to reunite with your old friend." He wasn't lying, the sentiment was genuine, despite his foolish jealousy.

Zero gave him a grateful smile. "Me too," he replied with a slight nod before returning his attention to his task. "Though I can't say the same about Ichiru."

Dark eyebrows rose. "Why not?"

"Because Kaito used to be an extra jerk towards him," Zero explained, his smile turned to one of wry amusement. "Ichiru still holds it against him even now. You should have seen his face when he realized who our new 'teacher' was. It was priceless."

Kaname snorted. "I have no doubt it was." Their little brother did have an unforgiving streak in him, after all. "Will he be alright?"

"Ichiru?" Zero blinked up at Kaname as he handed him another dish. Upon receiving a nod from his older brother, he continued, "Of course he will. It's _Ichiru_. If anything, he is going to have the fun of his life now."

"Now I feel sorry for your friend," Kaname said, shaking his head. Even he wouldn't want to be on the receiving end of Ichiru's wrath, let alone his long-term grudge. That Kaito character was surely done for.

"Don't be. He can hold his ground just fine. And besides," Zero paused briefly to turn off the faucet after finishing with the last dish and handing it to Kaname, "Kaito deserves whatever Ichiru has in store for him."

"Was he _that_ bad?"

Zero snorted, drying his hands with a towel as he replied, "He was an insufferable ass. And it got even worse when he entered his rebellious stage and began training with us under Yaga-" he stopped abruptly with a small start, freezing all of a sudden, his eyes wide.

"Zero?" Kaname called after a few moments of silence. No response came. His brows furrowing slightly, he tried again, "Zero?"

Zero gave another start before looking up at Kaname, blinking rapidly.

Kaname's frown deepened at the lost expression he was met with. "What is it?" he asked worriedly.

Zero stayed unresponsive for a few more seconds. Then, with a dazed blink, his eyes cleared, widening slightly, and he looked away. "No, it's nothing…" he trailed off, then shook his head, "Forget what I said." He handed Kaname the towel and took off his apron.

Kaname's worry didn't go away. He was about to inquire further, but got interrupted by an all too familiar voice of his sister.

"Kaname-onii-sama! What on earth are you doing here?" Yuuki asked in an accusing manner as she rushed into the kitchen with a disapproving frown set firmly on her face. "Everyone has been looking for you for hours!"

Kaname blinked down at his sister. No response came from him.

Which didn't seem to bother Yuuki in the slightest, as she only continued, turning her attention to her second older brother next, "Zero! You too! What do you think you're doing slacking off and making Kaname-onii-sama exert himself on such a day?!" she exclaimed, pointing an accusing finger at Zero.

Kaname frowned. "I didn't 'exert myself', Yuuki," he protested. "And what are you even going on about?"

Before Yuuki could reply, another voice sounded.

"Kaname-nii? Zero-nii?" Ichiru called as he entered the kitchen as well. Stopping a few strides away from his siblings, he shifted his weight from one foot to the other and put his hand on his hip before continuing with a snort, "Should have known you two would be here." 

"Losing your touch, Ichiru?" Zero teased.

"I'm not!" Ichiru denied petulantly, crossing his arms over his chest defensively with a small pout on his face. "I was just too busy with preparations. Unlike a certain _someone_."

"That's right, Zero!" Yuuki piped up. "I'll have you make up for it later, you slacker!"

Kaname's frown deepened along with his confusion as he tried to follow his siblings' conversation. 

"Yeah, yeah," Ichiru dismissed Yuuki with a wave of his hand before she could say anything further. "Let's move it along already, shall we? Kaname-nii," he approached his oldest brother and helped him remove his apron, "let's go, everybody is waiting." He draped the apron over the back of the nearest chair and then returned to Kaname's side, pushing him towards the exit just as Yuuki latched herself onto the brunet's arm and started dragging him out of the room.

"What?" Kaname asked over his shoulder, still frowning, "Ichiru, what is-," he turned to his sister without finishing his question, "Yuuki, stop pulling."

"You too, Zero-nii," Ichiru said as he interlocked his arm with Zero's and led him out of the kitchen and after their siblings.

Kaname stopped struggling and followed his sister, eventually realizing that they were headed towards their backyard. He was about to ask for an explanation for his two youngest siblings' bizarre behavior, but before he could do it, he was stunned into silence by a canopy of string lights over the backyard coming to life and a chorus of voices yelling in unison _'Surprise!'_.

Kaname stopped dead in his tracks with a small start, his eyes widened at the sight of his friends.

"Happy birthday, Kaname-sama!" 

_Ah, right. He had forgotten._

Yuuki pulled at his arm, attracting his attention. "Happy birthday, Kaname-onii-sama!"

_It was his birthday._

Kaname could only blink down at Yuuki, then at the crowd before him, still taken aback.

A small laugh sounded from behind him, soon followed by a familiar voice that he recognized as Ichiru's. "Come on, Kaname-nii, don't just stand here," the younger twin said with an amused smile as he placed his hands on Kaname's shoulders and pushed him lightly from behind again. "Let's get this party started."

He didn't even have time to protest as Ichiru promptly forced him into the heart of the crowd.

**-o-**

Kaname heaved a long sigh.

It had been a little over two hours since the beginning of his surprise birthday party, and it was only now that Kaname finally — _finally_ — managed to sneak out.

He was tired. Really, really tired. So much socializing was plain exhausting and he was in serious need of some well-deserved rest.

He loved his friends. He did. And he was grateful to them for throwing him a surprise party. It was fun and he was glad to see them, but such gatherings had never been his thing — he could never get himself to participate in them for long, having to take a breather every so often. Which was what he was doing now. _At long last._

Another sigh escaped him.

It was followed by a soft chuckle that didn't belong to him.

"You managed to hold out longer than I thought."

Kaname halted in his tracks, looking up from the floor and turning towards the source of the pleasantly familiar voice. A smile slowly spread across his face as his gaze landed on Zero's form seated on a windowsill.

"I did, didn't I?" Kaname asked playfully, making his way up the stairs towards Zero.

"Though the credit for it definitely isn't yours to take," Zero answered with a lopsided grin as he turned to look out the window. Stopping a short distance away, Kaname followed his brother's gaze, his brows rose at the sight that greeted him.

"How long have you been here?"

Zero shrugged. "About an hour? Give or take."

One dark eyebrow arched, Kaname's lips lifted in a wry smile. "So you got to witness all the embarrassment I was subjected to?"

Zero nodded. "I sure did." He turned to Kaname. "And it was hilarious."

Kaname gave a snort. "I'm glad you enjoyed my misery." The things his friends — and siblings, especially a _certain_ troublemaking little brother of his — had come up with to keep everyone entertained — mostly at Kaname's expense too — would haunt his dreams for weeks.

"Come on, it wasn't _that_ bad," Zero tried to console his older brother, albeit unsuccessfully, if Kaname's pointedly unimpressed look was anything to go by. "Well, _you_ weren't that bad. Sure, your artistic skills still have a long way to go, but when it comes to cross-dressing, you are definitely a winner."

Kaname felt his eyebrow twitch in annoyance at the reminder of just _what_ sorts of ridiculous challenges he had been forced to participate in during the last couple of hours. He wished he could forget all of them, especially the cross-dressing one. The mere memory of it sent shivers up his spine even now, _after_ he had managed to escape.

"Right after Ichiru though. His version was more convincing," Zero added with a small nod to himself. "But don't worry, I'm sure you will be able to get him next time, if you just put your heart into it," he finished with another nod, this one of encouragement.

Kaname scowled lightly. "There _won't be_ a next time." Like hell he would let himself get dragged into something like that _ever_ again. "Ichiru can stay the king of that dress-up game for as long as he wants."

"You mean the 'queen'."

"Yeah, whatever."

"Which makes you the 'princess' right now."

"Zero..." Kaname growled warningly.

Zero remained unaffected. "But that aside for now, your highness," he changed the subject, completely ignoring a quiet grumble from Kaname, "don't you think it would be too cruel to leave our 'queen' without a competition?"

"We have Aidou," Kaname answered without missing a beat as he folded his arms over his chest and leaned against the wall by the window.

One silver eyebrow rose. "You are willing to sacrifice your friend and most loyal admirer?"

Kaname shrugged his shoulders lightly. "He will be fine. I believe in him."

Zero chuckled. "Sure you do," he said sarcastically, his gaze lingering on Kaname for a few moments before shifting outside. A short companionable silence followed. Then Zero asked, "You did have fun though," he turned to look up at Kaname for confirmation, "didn't you?"

Kaname gave him a small smile and a nod. "I did," he admitted. "Though as much as I appreciate all the trouble you all went to, I would rather you go a bit less all-out next time."

Zero's expression turned apologetic, a sheepish smile tugged at his lips. "Yeah, sorry about that. Things got a little out of control somewhere along the way."

A small chuckle escaped Kaname before he replied, "I gathered." He could vividly imagine the chaos that must have ensued with all three of his siblings planning his birthday party. Ichiru teasing the life out of Yuuki, Yuuki responding just the way Ichiru wanted her to, Zero trying to coax the two to calm down and get back to work, eventually succeeding, but not for long. Ichiru and Yuuki would surely get into another meaningless argument, and the cycle would keep repeating itself. 

Kaname shook his head with a wry, indulgent smile. Seeing his siblings like that — even in his mind's eye — never failed to amuse him.

Kaname's expression softened as he looked down at Zero. "...Thank you," he said, "for everything...for _this_ ," he added with a vague gesture of his hand before repeating more firmly, "Thank you."

Zero gave him a smile and a small nod. He turned to the window again and the comfortable silence settled once more.

For a long moment, Kaname watched his beloved's familiar profile, tracing every line of his features with his eyes. Before he could stop himself, his hand rose, and he soon found his fingers tracing one pale cheek.

Zero tensed up. Kaname's fingers halted, but didn't retreat, not even when Zero turned his head to look up at him after a long moment of stillness.

Kaname didn't even notice himself move. He didn't think — he couldn't, his mind seemed to have stopped working at some point in time, and his body seemed to have a will of its own. All he _could_ do was _feel_.

"Kana-"

_Feel himself lean down and cover Zero's mouth with his..._

_Feel his other hand go up to cup another pale cheek..._

_Feel his lips move over Zero's slightly parted ones..._

_Feel himself press further —_ desperately, impatiently _. His heart abusing his ribcage in the midst of its mad race, his breathing quickening._

_Feel his tongue sneak inside that wonderfully warm — hot even, almost scorchingly so— mouth, moving gingerly at first, then with unrestrained vigor, spurred by an endearingly shy response of Zero's tongue._

He felt lightheaded.

_Still, he kept pushing, trying to go deeper._

_And Zero was_ letting _him do it._

 _...No, not just that. He was_ responding _too. Uncertainly, hesitantly, but he_ was _._

Kaname knew he must be dreaming. He _must be_ hallucinating.

...Right?

With a gasp, Kaname broke the kiss and gently pressed his forehead against Zero's. Half-lidded garnet eyes locked with hazy lavender ones. 

A long silence followed, subtly disturbed only by the pair's uneven breathing.

Zero lowered his head, averting his gaze. Kaname let him, placing a gentle, lingering kiss on his forehead before lowering his head as well.

 _"I love you,"_ Kaname whispered in Zero's ear, his lips brushing against it lightly.

Zero's head bowed further, a shaky breath escaped him. Pale fingers that Kaname only now realized were wrapped around his wrists tightened briefly. Zero allowed another few moments of closeness before gently pushing Kaname's hands away.

"It's sick," Zero said quietly, his hand rising to Kaname's chest to force the brunet backwards. Another shaky breath left him. "…We are sick," he added before standing up and quickly striding away without ever looking up.

Kaname frowned as he watched Zero's retreating back.

 _''_ We _are'…?'_

Burgundy eyes widened at the possible implications born of wishful thinking. Kaname's pulse started to race anew.

_Could it be…?_

He was about to follow Zero when a small noise from behind him attracted his attention. He looked over his shoulder, his eyes narrowed upon landing on the intruder at the base of the stairs.

"What is it, Yuuki?" Kaname asked, half-turning to face his sister. "Did you want something?"

His question was met with a heavy silence. It lingered for a long while as Yuuki stood still, staring at her brother fixedly with narrowed eyes and pursed lips. Kaname waited impassively, unaffected by the girl's unusually angry gaze.

"Disgusting," Yuuki spat out bitterly, her normally smiling face twisted into an ugly grimace. "You're disgusting, both of you."

Kaname arched an unimpressed eyebrow. "And the way you look at me isn't?"

Yuuki's eyes widened, she inhaled sharply, going rigid. Kaname couldn't help but find some satisfaction in her reaction.

It took Yuuki a few moments to recover from her shock. She averted her eyes. "I don't know what you're talking about," was her answer, but her red, shame-stained face suggested otherwise. Kaname was more inclined to trust the latter.

Not that it even mattered whether she was willing to admit it or not. Her so-called feelings for him weren't important. What _was_ , however…

"Stay out of it, Yuuki," Kaname warned. "Forget what you saw and leave us be. Otherwise there _will_ be consequences."

Yuuki looked up at her brother, involuntarily flinching under his narrowed gaze. Unable to withstand it, she lowered her eyes anew almost immediately.

Kaname left without waiting for the girl's reply. He didn't need it. He knew she would never be able to defy him.

 _Such a conveniently pitiful, pitiful being._

**-o-**

Complete silence greeted Kaname when he entered Zero's room.

The lights were off, but he could make out Zero's form on the bed. He waited a while before quietly pushing the door closed and making his way across the room. He got into the bed and lay down next to Zero, carefully reaching out to hold the silver-haired teen from behind.

Zero tensed up then, and Kaname froze.

"…I won't do anything," the brunet said quietly, "I promise I won't." A shuddering breath left him as he inched closer to Zero, his arms wrapped around the younger teen's middle in a gentle embrace. "Just let me stay here," he implored, pressing his forehead against Zero's back. "Please, just let me hold you like this." 

He didn't get a reply, but eventually he felt Zero relax. The silver-haired teen turned to lie on his back, letting Kaname rest his head on his shoulder. One of his hands rose to bury its fingers in wavy chocolate locks.

Letting out a deep sigh, Kaname closed his eyes and buried his face in Zero's neck, his arms automatically tightened around his beloved, but he forced himself to stop when he felt Zero's form begin to stiffen again. 

He went completely still, waiting.

After a while his patience paid off. Zero relaxed once more, and Kaname felt his hand begin to stroke his hair gently — tentatively at first. A small smile curved the brunet's lips.

He allowed his tense form to relax as well, _carefully_ , and he did his best not to move too much.

They stayed like that for a while, and soon Kaname's eyes began to droop and he started to drift off, lulled to sleep by Zero's fingers gently threading through his hair and massaging his scalp. Before he could fully surrender to a blissful slumber, however, Zero spoke.

"…I've been having the weirdest dreams lately," he said.

Kaname gave a small involuntary start, blinking drowsily. It was a weirdly fascinating experience, hearing his beloved's voice from above him and feeling soft, barely palpable vibrations of his words against his cheek. 

"No, make it the craziest," Zero continued, chuckling quietly. Kaname couldn't help but smile at the sound.

"Crazy, you say?" he responded, amused. "On a scale of one to ten, how crazy are they?"

Zero hummed thoughtfully. "Eleven? Twenty?"

Kaname chuckled. "Is that an answer or a question?"

"I'm not sure," Zero admitted with a small shrug before looking down at the mop of chocolate hair and asking, "You want to find out just how crazy they are?"

Kaname's smile widened. "I would love to."

"They're embarrassing."

"Oh, now I'm even more intrigued."

"And disturbing."

Kaname playfully hummed his approval with a slight nod of his head, his tone mock serious, "Keep going."

Zero gave a soft laugh. "And they totally seem to be something out of those stupid supernatural romance movies Yuuki loves so much. You know, all that vampire and werewolf crap and all that."

Kaname froze at that, his eyes widened and his breath caught in his throat. He was definitely fully awake now.

_It couldn't be…_

Meanwhile Zero continued, "I swear I'm never letting her talk me into watching that bullshit ever again."

Kaname forced himself to calm down. Surely it couldn't be the case.

A short silence followed, then Zero spoke again.

"…You're there too, you know."

Kaname barely found his voice to ask, "…In those crazy dreams of yours?"

"Mm," Zero nodded, absently playing with the brunet's hair, twirling one of his thick wavy locks around his finger. "And you're a total narcissistic ass there too."

_…Or could it…?_

Kaname gave a wryly amused chuckle. "I guess some things never change."

Zero snorted, picking another dark lock to play with. 

There was another while of silence. It was Kaname who broke it this time.

"…Will you tell me?" For some reason, his heart began to race with anticipation.

Zero hummed thoughtfully, wondering, "Where should I start…?"

"From the beginning," Kaname replied, "I'd like to hear it all."

He could hear an indulgent smile in Zero's voice when his beloved spoke next. It made his own lips curl up further.

"Okay then," Zero replied. "Here it is…"

That night Kaname fell asleep to the sound of Zero's voice, listening to him speak of his weird — 'crazy', as Zero himself had called them — dreams. They turned out to be awfully familiar to him, telling mostly the same story, only from a very different perspective.

Kaname wondered how that could be and what it was, what those inexplicable dreams really were. He wondered if maybe…

Maybe his disease — his _madness_ — wasn't his alone to bear, after all.

**.**

**-The End-**

**.** ****

**Author's Note:**

> _**A/N:** …Yeah, well, something like this. I still have no idea what the hell it is. Sorry for the length and the contents. I applaud you if you actually managed to make it this far through this whole unfortunate semblance of a story. I'm sorry if you thought it was a crappy waste of time, but I would be really happy to hear your thoughts. Thank you for reading! Take care and hope to see you around again soon! :D _


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